To My Fav boy on the planet - #SEVEN


[Sidenote:]

My first kid, turns SEVEN today. 
And as I sit down, to think about what I want to tell him. 
I write, "I feel all sorts of things". 
Yet, he has no idea the gravity or the real kick-in-the-teeth kinda week I've actually had. 
And he might not ever understand the wild-ride-of-an-emotional rollercoaster, I've been on the past few days. 



Pip has been fighting a bacterial infection. 
And with type-one-diabetes, it makes everything incredibly complicated. 
She's so uber clingy. 
Not wanting to eat.
Yet, has high BG's.
So giving LOTS of insulin - amounts that would normally tank her. 
Then living always on the verge of when things will flip. 
Please, other #T1DParents, tell me you get what I mean.


Then one of my closest friends in the world, 
got in a MAJOR car accident. 
Where she broke her freaking back. 
And the car was flipped upside down. 
But, her boys were hanging from their seatbelts. 
And she just leaped into action. 
Went momma-mode & got them free. 
I'm in awe & so very thankful they are still here. 


And then my bestfriend, since we were babies in our church's nursery. 
Had her son 12 years ago today.
And she always said, she was gonna have three. 
But, as soon as he came.
I loudly proclaimed him as my Fav. 
My own mother, told me that was "not nice",
and that I was probably making the other children feel bad. 
But, yet I still did it. 
Then he got cancer. 
And now he's my favourite little boy up in heaven. 
And I got a new one here on earth.
Who oddly enough shares the exact same birthday.


My son, Noal was born 3 weeks early, on Maiysn's 5th birthday.
We thought it Fate then. 
But, now know it's bonded us forever.


And while it makes me beyond emotional each birthday since we've lost him. I will never be able to understand my best friend's pain. 


Today my son opened a card from his Auntie Laurs. 
He smiled at what she wrote & all the new Hockey cards she picked out. 
We talked about Maiysn & acknowledged how sad his mom must be feeling. 
And how lucky I felt to get to be able to celebrate the guts outta him. 


And while, I did just that. 
I loved him up so very much. 
My heart ached for my dear friend. 
Who would give literally anything, 
to have her sweet boy back. 



On top of that already helluva a big week. 
Found out yesterday that Pip's knee surgery wasn't successful. 
Let out a wild "FECK" in front of the Doctor, before I could even stop myself. 


So, yeah, I'd say, I'm feeling all sorts of feels indeed. 
And this doesn't even get into how I can't wrap my head around how much I love my birthday boy, or how quickly time is fast-forwarding by. 


[End of sidenote.]




My Noal,

Today you turn SEVEN. 
And I feel all sorts of things. 
Like:

"How can this bloody be happening SOOOO fast!!!"
"Man, Alive I love that boy so so so much."

And,

"I hope we remember these days forever."


Because, if you haven't already notice.
Time has a way of making things fade. 
So, by the time you grow up,
you may only remember the really BIG moments. 
And not so much, the day-to-day.


But, I hope I remember them for you. 
For us. 
For a time later in life.
When you need to remember who you are. 

And what you come from and 
why you are, how you are. 


So, things like how, you somehow have this magically ability to make others laugh. 
And outta all three kids, I love that you are the most cuddly. 
I want you to remember that you have these momma-bear-characteristics with your siblings & anyone littler than you.
That you speak your mind, stand your ground even if it's when you dramatically downright refuse a berry - any kind - like I'm trying to give you rat posion - every time - I try. 
I hope you never give up, kinda like how no matter what since you could, you have at least 8 excuses to get outta bed every SINGLE night. 
I want you to always be just the sweetest, like when you leave me little hand written notes in a jewelry box, you bought me at your school's yard sale last year. 
And I want you to remember this gentleness about you, when you still like me to rub your back, as I sing a song, I sang to you when you were a baby. 


And even though you are only SEVEN. 
It's hard to even remember you as a baby. 
Life somehow becomes so in the NOW. 


So, I get that the details won't be seeped deep. 
And that you're gonna only recall the most memorable moments or the ones I wanna forget.
Like a few days ago, when I watched you & Theo. 
Bang heads in just the perfect way, 
that the end of the bed took him down. 
There was lots of blood.
You bravely ran for towels & 
then calmed him down, while pressing against the wound, as I ran for ster-strips. 
And thank freaking God, for our hack job of an effort. 
You did great kid!


But, you do great every day. 
No other seven year old I know. 
Takes after a sister, 
like you take after our Pip. 
You, are that Girl's HERO. 
She loves you so.


I love how you stand up for her. 
And try to teach people to not be afraid. 
To think differently. 
When all those kids, the first day of summer camp. 
Kept asking ya, "What's wrong with her?"
I'm so glad you handle it like you do. 
You're one of the good ones, Kid. 
I'm so proud to be your mom. 
I always think I got so lucky, with you.


And, no other seven year old, 
knows how to treat diabetic lows 
or steer people away from food that has gluten in it. 
Or knows how to call 911 or where insulin & a needle to save their sister's life is kept.


You, have a lot on your plate kid. 
Not, only are you busy being a KID.
But, you deal with loads of different stuff, 
other seven year olds don't even know about. 
And I just want you to know, 
that I know that. 
And I'm so proud of how you have handled everything. 
And I love seeing who you are, emerge these last few years, 
because they become the core, 
of who you become...


So, my darling 21-FREAKING-HOURS



I know what you go through as a seven year old, is kinda extraordinary. 
But, I want you to know, 
if who you become later in life is ANYONE, 
like who you are today. 
Pleasure is all mine. 


Because, Son, you are magnificent!!!


You are charming. 
And confident. 
Silly & full of spice. 
You are chatty & kind. 
And loud & slightly obnoxious at times. 
You are freaking hilarious. 
And you're pleasant to be around.

And even though at certain times you can be a down-right-annoying-bratty-little-bugger. 
All in all. 


YOU'RE A REALLY GOOD PERSON.


And, Noal, I sure hope to GOD
who YOU are today. 
Carries you through. 
Whatever life has planned for you throughout.


Happy Birthday Kid.
I love you so.
You're my fav boy on the planet...

#relaxTheoismyfavBABY
#Maiysnisnowmyfavboyinheaven
#fastestsevenyearsofmylife
#longest21hoursoflabourofmylife



#PURPOSE


Dear Pip, 
My sweet whirlwind-of-a-daughter. 
Every single night, before you fall asleep. 
I tell you, 
"I love you. I'm so proud of you. 
And I'm sooooo happy that you're mine." 


And every single night, I mean every single bit of it. 
But, today. 
My heart can't even, tell you how damn in love with you.
I really am.
I am so glad life decided YOU needed to be my daughter. 

     
Because today darling, you shined, 
oh so bright. 
It's like you knew today was because, of YOU.
And girl, you proudly soaked in every minute. 


You hammed-it-up for the cameras.
You kept making people giggle, as you dramatically reacted to something they said, with, "OH MY GOSH", as you put both hands over your cheeks & kinda curtsied. 
You demanded we sing the silly songs we've made up for each other. 
So, in front of a room full of people, I had to flap-up-my-arms like wings and sing in a high-pitch-English-accented voice, 
"Momma Bird - Momma Bird - I am your Momma Bird." 
You taught the other kids how to say, "cheese" or posed their hands to copy what you wanted them to do. 
You yelled out, "next boy" whenever you wanted to meet the next kid.
You were excited & made time for every single person you met. 
You made them feel welcomed. 
You invaded a few's personal spaces. 
And when you didn't want to participate, you let us all know. 


You did YOU!
Like you always do. 
And I'm so proud of that. 
So, on a day like today. 
When I got to witness tears from other mommas, who shared their stories. 
About how they got their child's Down syndrome diagnosis. 
Googled it - Got discouraged - Found YOU. 
And, YOU changed their perspective. 
How incredibly powerful. 
My God, child, what PURPOSE your life holds. 


Pip, I am honoured to be your momma. 
And I am humbled to be able to host a day like today. 
This is our FIFTH Year making a #differentisbeautiful Calendar & every year I know it goes down as one of the best days a human being can possible live. 

 
I am forever changed because of YOU. 
You have dented the universe forever.
And I am so glad, you are my girl.  


I love you beyond...







[All photos by Eden Grove Photography]
[#differentisbeautiful Calendar shoot hosted by Delta Waterfront]



#YOUDOYOU
#differentisbeautiful
#DownsyndromeAwareness 
#mommahood

*Call Out - 2019 #differentisbeautiful Calendar*



Happy Soul Project's #differentisbeautiful Calendar is for these kids & families. 
It's to show them we think their child is outrageously beautiful.
It's to honour the hours, days, months they spent in hospitals, doctor appointments, seeing specialist and therapies.
It's to stand beside them and pat their backs for a job well done.
And it's to shout from the rooftops how special, important, valued and awesome they are...




We will be shooting our 2019 #differentisbeautiful Calendar on July 15th in Kingston, Ontario @ the Delta Hotels by Marriott Kingston Waterfront.


If your child is interested in being a part of this beautiful project - Please send an email to: info@happysoulproject.org








Please watch & share: https://youtu.be/Y0cmgGlDQQg

🎵 “Better Place” by Rachel Platten



#shareshareshare
#cantwatchwithoutcrying
#differentisbeautiful 

"Special Needs Momma"- #Dayinthelife


Yesterday, at 3:18 am my daughter's Dexcom-CGM-Continuous Glucous Monitor, set off an alarm, that bolts me outta bed & has me racing down a hallway to get to her.
My little girl's blood sugar was dipping dangerously low.
And if not treated, she could potentially go unconscious and it could be fatal.
Without that alarm, my daughter might not have woken up. 
Some nights, when her Dexcom isn't working - It's impossible to sleep.


At 6:38 am I changed my five year old daughter's diaper.
At 7:02 am I poked one of my daughter's fingers, to get a BG reading, figured out the amount of carbs that were in her breakfast and administered the amount of insulin she needed to cover the food she'd hopefully eat all of.
At 7:03 am I gave my daughter her daily thyroid medication & waited & watched like a prison guard till she knocked it down her hatch.
At 7:05 am I made my daughter a gluten-free bagel, in a separate toaster because of cross-contamination.
At 7:15 am I packed my daughter a carb-counted-rationed-and-portioned-pain-in-the-arse T1D/Celiac lunch.
At 7:20 am I gathered the supplies needed, just so my daughter could step out of the house; insulin, a backup pump, test strips, lancets, an emergency glucagon kit and items like apple juice and rockets to treat if her blood sugar drops. 
At 7:30 am I put on my daughter's knee braces and kissed the scars on her caps.



At 7:35 am I get annoyingly irritated at the speed in which my daughter needs to get ready. Hustle up already.
At 7:45 am as I drove to the hospital for a day with FIVE-FREAKING-APPOINTMENTS, I watched my daughter beam from her car seat and yell out, "Mom. Mom. Mom - me so happy."
At 7:46 am I realized my daughter didn't care what we did, a day with her mom, to her, was EVERYTHING. 
At 8:20 am my daughter is STOKED and is in her ELEMENT. As soon as she sees the parking garage, she knows what the day holds. 
  • Pushing as many buttons as she can possibly get a hold of. Girl lives for an elevator. 
  • Greeting anyone - ANYONE - who crosses her path. She probably, proudly said, "Me Pip - Your name?" to 127 people yesterday.
  • It was a day to wait in numerous playrooms within the hospital, all spaces she loved to explore. 
  • And see nurses, receptionists, doctors and specialists, who have known her since she was born. I loved watching her be totally comfortable & confident with them. Getting right behind the desk to greet a receptionist, who once gave her a teddy bear & me a pile of snickers to get me through one of her many surgeries. Showing off her language skills to the nurses, who have loved watching her thrive despite every challenge she's been faced & have hugged me along the way. And impressing the docs with her independence & ability to remember what to do, for all the different tests she needed to have done.
  • She knew it held a day of taking silly pics & watching home videos with her momma.
  • Having a lunch "date" or a snack, either in the hospital cafeteria or a nearby cafe. 
  • And it meant she got to feel so outrageously brave the entire day. Being loved up by me, right beside her for every poke & prode. Getting high-fives & fist pumps from anyone she possibly can. And then be lifted up by her brothers & dad, when we talk about our days at dinner. She undeniably knows how strong we all think she is, on a day, like yesterday.

And yes, the day held so much more that I could have continued documenting for y'all minute-by-minute.  
Like at 9:03 am when I had to wrap her in my arms with all my strength, whispering in her ear how much I loved her & that they were almost done, as they poked around for a vein during blood work. 



Or how much it blew finding out that her ear tubes only stayed in for six months - So, most likely another surgery after summer.  
I could even get into how much it sucks to hear doctors give "wait & see" as the answer. 
Or explain, how I've learn to live in this constant-state-of-fear, wondering when something is going to "break" on her next. 


This is the life of a "special needs or whatever you want to call us" momma.
This is a glimpse of what we go through.
In just ONE DAY.
And yes, yes our children are BEYOND brave. 
But, SO ARE WE.


I went out with another "special needs momma" last night & although our stories and our children are completely different. 
Our struggles. 
Our challenges.
Our fears. 
Our worry.
Our stress.
And our absolute delight in our child, that gave us this title, remains all so relatable.
And the underlining characteristic, I see in all of us. 
Is how bloody brave we really are.








#bravepumpsallaround
#AndShoutOutfortheSixDadsthatFollowtoo
#PiptheBrave 

Wild Child - #HappyMothersDay


This week, my six-year-old son, did something so incredibly disappointing.
So much so, that he is grounded from Pokemon for 30 days. 
Which is HUGE in his Grade-One-little-mind. 


My two-year-old head butted me so hard, I swore for days I had a wiggly tooth.


And my five year old, thought it would be cool to swipe her shoes off & throw them outta my moving-mini-van window. 



Even cooler, is her recent rough-housing at school. 
Pip has been pushing like it's her job. She'll perch herself onto the slide and work it like a Lifeguard at a water park. Giving the kids a wee push going down. 
Some kids love it. Some don't. 
Point is she won't stop.



So, we thought a talk with the Principal was in order. 
However, she LOVED her experience going down to the BIG office. 
Actually, won't stop talking about it. 
She just keeps yelling out the Principal's last name, outta nowhere, as if to tell us they're now friends.



But, even much cooler than that, is when I stepped outside for 12.4 seconds to let the dog out-to-pee and she slammed the patio doors locked. 



IN THE POURING FRACKING RAIN. 



Our damn-ten-year-old-dog, is afraid of the rain. 
So, I had to walk out with him. 
Bear in mind, I am in no shoes, my shirt soon soaks through & we can see each other through the glass doors. 
And she can clearly hear and see me shouting to open-the-heck-up.
Yet, she just keeps dancing away. 
Coming back every so often to tease me, as she pretends to unlock the door.
Then she'll throw her head back, laugh with her whole body & prance away.


Pip went to bed that night probably for the first time ever, not being snuggled. 
Just bathed - brushed.
Lights out. 



I went to bed that night defeated. 
Wondering why my kids were acting out. 
Questioning what I was doing wrong?
Because, those that know me, know I love my babies hard. 
And I strive to be a good mom, that makes good people. 
But, try as hard as I might.
Lessons still need to be learned.


On their own.


The next morning, Pip immediately needed to get a good cuddle in. 
As if she missed out, big time, on the night before's.
And as she wrapped her arms around me & 
whimpered out, "so sorry mom", I knew she was.


I knew the lesson was learned.
But, feck me, the fact that it had to get to that level to learn it.
What in the bloody heck did I sign up for? 
This mommahood thing is soooo hard.


Being a mom, seriously kicks you in the gut! 
Literally, everyday, over & over.
From loving another human, as much as you do.
From disheartening to sweet moments. 
From scary experiences to learning to let go.
It stretches you, like nothing else and it takes ALL of you.
Because, YOUR ROLE is so important. 
Your role is SO POWERFUL.
Your role helps create, who your children will be.


And even if they happen to be a Wild Child like mine, Happy Mother's Day anyways. 


#mommahood
#Jesusthewheel
#happysoulproject



#HockeyMoms


I often wonder about that mentality, of;
"If we met now, would we be friends."


And as kind.
And as sweet,
And as absolutely lovely, my best friend is.

The honest answer is, I don't know. 
Who we are together today, is because of the 37 years of friendship, behind us.
Because we are & always have been, so completely different. 
I'm sassy & she's sweet, kinda thing. 


And our lives after highschool, participated in stages-of-life, decades apart. 
She had babies when we were in our early twenties. 
Whereas, I couldn't decide what country to live in, what Degree to finish or what boy to like.


We experienced adulthood completely differently. 


Yet, our hearts have always remained hooked.
We just get each other. 
When we see each other, we somehow each gain strength from one another.  
And our souls kinda leave a little happier.

Because even though we are now miles apart. 
And not in each others daily lives. 
We are connected. 
Forever & Ever. 


The Universe made sure of that. 


Not only do we love each other immensely and have been through everything, from our first heartbreaks, to the heartbreaking challenges we've both faced in mommahood.


Our first-born-sons, unbelievably share the same birthdays.


Hers was born first. 
And was late. 
And right off the hop, I weirdly, claimed he would be my favourite, outta-the-three she always said she wanted.
And Maiysn was her middle. 
The core of her heart. 


Years later, my son Noal came 3-and-half-weeks early. 
On July 27th. 
The exact same day.


And I'll never understand why hers can't still be here. 
Why at 8-years-old, the Universe thought it fair, to take him away. 
Why our boys can't celebrate birthdays together. 
Or why, I have to see my best friend, learn to live with a broken heart. 


All I know, is if I met her today. 
And somehow, someway we connected. 
I'd be lucky. 


Because she's the type of person who pushes herself aside. 
And takes all that brokenness & still walks bravely, allowing love in. 


My son Noal is in hockey & my husband helps coach the team. 
So, unless I wanna chase after Theo and hike-up-a-wheelchair & Pip, I don't go to his six-year-old "games."
Or at least I haven't, in months. 


But, even though I know, it must have tugged at her heart, or it least it would on mine.
She is the biggest Hockey Mom, I know. 
And she'd give anything to watch her Maiysn play again. 


She lovingly & proudly, taught me how to be a #hockeymom to my son.




And I like to think, if I I met her now.
I'd still be
 in awe, of how gigantic her heart really is...








#BFF
#ProudHockeyMoms
#mommahood



[To nominate a child for a Kick-It-Cape, the Project Maiysn inspired - Click HERE