Seriously. Enough. Already


I'm having one of those pity-me-pity-Pip-pity-what-we-got-going-on kinda days...I realize by tomorrow afternoon, my stress, sorrow and snickers will be gone and that in the grand scheme of things, this really is not a big deal...I get that so many kids & families, have it so much harder...Trust me, my best friend is in a hospital hours away from her other kids because her little boy has cancer. So I get it, but bear with me here friends, because as routine-and-not-that-big-of-a-deal as this is, it still is my reality and it still sucks.


Tomorrow, Pip faces her 5th surgery... Five - Cinco - Cinq - those are the only languages I got, but you get the idea...My little girl is not even two years old and she's had more surgeries than most people have their entire life.


Pip has conductive hearing loss & this time, she is getting #Myringotomy - aka Ear Tube Surgery. Ideally, this will help with the fluid in her ears, her constant congestion and also help accelerate her speech & language. Another thing common in kiddos with Down syndrome, that again, my darling Pip can check off the list...


The thing is I'm so bloody tired of that list...I just want for one moment to breath and just be with her...Not worry about another blood test, an upcoming surgery, new contacts, a heart check up, braces fitting, eye exams and on and on and on...


I'm so bloody sad that my little girl has yet another complication in life. She has already been through so much & with her eyes and such, has still so far to go.

I'm so bloody jealous of mommas that get to plan their days around play dates & activities and not therapies & specialists...My day and weeks leading up to any surgery are filled with appointments, keeping Pip "isolated" & away from germs as much as I can & endlessly looking at her trying to remember every piece of her, just in case.


I'm so bloody anxious that something will go wrong - These doctors/nurses/specialist are just human after all, and mistakes are bound to happen - I just continually hope not on my girl. 


I'm so bloody bitter that I'll have yet another sleepless night filled with worry and a morning with 4700 calories made up completely of snickers to ease or eat away that stress.


I'm so bloody tired of feeling so helpless...As a momma, it's me who makes Pip feel better when the nurses can't find a vein, it's me who she snugs her little body into if she's hurt herself, it's me who she looks for when she does something funny, it's me who gets the biggest smiles that light up her face & giggles that gurgle from deep in her belly...It's me who makes her feel safe...And I hate that for these small moments in her life there is absolutely nothing I can do.


And I'm so bloody scared, terrified really, at the thought of her not waking up.


Her very first surgery at 5 weeks old, had complications and she had a terrible time coming out of anesthetic and now every surgery since, I'm petrified it will happen again. I realize lots & lots of kids get these bloody Ear Tubes, and the surgery itself isn't that big of a deal - But you see, for me, it is...It's another routine surgery to add to her list of others. It's another round of doctor appointments and specialists to see on top of the Rolodex list she already does. It's one more thing on the check list of complications with Down syndrome, that my girl has to face that others don't...


So to be honest, this time I'm bloody annoyed....Enough already Fate - Seriously, Enough!!!

Down syndrome Awareness Month - Pippy Layne Way


Last year when October rolled around I got caught up in Down syndrome Awareness Month...It was Pippy's first one and since I failed horribly at her first World Down syndrome Day, it was yet, another chance to make it up to her. Another way to prove to her & the world that this part of who she is, deserves really to be celebrated...


So I took a blog challenge, among many other momma-bloggers to write & post every single day in October to help bring awareness...


Here are some of my fav blogs from that time:


As much as I loved sharing with y'all, I found that it was too much to do with two little hooligans & it stressed me out at the end of the day, knowing I had to create a blog post...Now add on everything else going on in my world and the thought isn't even a thought because it just isn't a possibility. 


So instead to keep me sane, my babies happy & Happy Soul Project running, I am going to do 3 things:


1- Launch our Pippy Lane #differentisbeautiful Collection which features knitwear by LeeLee Infinity exclusively celebrating Down syndrome. Hello, how cute would these be on a Buddy Walk?




2- I still want to see Pippy on Ellen - I want to be able to share her contagious smile with everyone, bring light to our #differentisbeautiful mission and hopefully get more people to help with our Awesome Eh? Acts & Kick-Cancer's-Arse Capes. So in October, everyday instead of blogging I will be sharing a picture or video on Ellen's Facebook Page and bugging y'all to do the same...This bloody woman can't ignore us for that much longer right? 


Okay maybe she can, but either way the more we share the more Pip's smile gets around showing others how outrageously beautiful life can be with Down syndrome.


And 


3- Throughout October I will be part of a few fundraisers to not only help bring awareness to Down syndrome but hopefully raise some moula to help with our Happy Soul Project's Initiatives...Check out our Facebook Page for details about upcoming events with Group Hug Apparel & Sweetheart Baby Boutique...


And yes, this is me & my girl doing I'm a Little TeaPot!!! Swoon right?

So, maybe in years to come I will go back to the 31 for 21 Challenge and blog everyday in October, but for now I will find my own ways in which I proudly celebrate the one who forever changed October for me... 






P.S - If you are in love with the Pippy Lane #differentisbeautiful Collection shop HERE - Part of our proceeds will go to the Canadian Down syndrome Society. 







Got a case of the "What Ifs"....


Whenever I head "Out West" aka Calgary for some reason I always get a case of the "What Ifs", whenever I board the plane... 


I don't know if it's the thought of adventure {this time squashed down between the nightmare of flying with two kids}, the majestic mountains, the daydreams of what could have been or just seeing and wanting to be around my family more...

But whatever it is the "What Ifs" come in strong. 


You see right before I met Craig, the boy I fell so hard for and later married, I had in my mind that after school I would make the move to Western Canada. When I was in high school, my family almost moved to Calgary and it's something I've always wondered and pondered about what my life may have been. 


It's weird because I've been & lived around the world, but for some reason my mind mostly "What Ifs", about moving West...


What if we moved when I was in high school? Would I not have been such a nerd? Would I have been cooler? Probably not, but one can think right?


What if I didn't have the best friends I did growing up? Would I have met as good of people with such big hearts? 


What if I didn't date my high school boyfriend all those years? Would I have dated more boys? Maybe ones who ride horses? Why my mind goes there, when I'm not the biggest fan of horses who knows.


What if I didn't go to school in Windsor? Out West would I have chosen a different field? Would I have different interests? Would I have a career in something totally opposite of what I did here?


What if I didn't meet Craig? Gasp...What if I met a boy instead who always wore a cowboy hat and while I thought it was cute at first annoyed the crap outta me, anytime after the appeal wore off?


What If - What If - What If....For some reason my mind a rambles when I head West...

But, thankfully it only rambles for a wee bit because I'm truly one who believes that our lives happen for a reason...


Who we meet, who we love, where we go & what we do with it, all happens as it should...



So I don't live in the "What Ifs" a lot because the "What I haves" is so damn awesome...






P.S- The Calgary snow is September helped cure my "What Ifs" like nothing else - As if I packed for bloody snow...Not cool Calgary, not cool.


Ear Tubes Can Blow It....


Today Pip had 6 appts - Yep, 6...We were in the hospital at 9am till after 4pm...That's a looooong day for a little girl who wants nothing more than to practice walking or scoot on a dirty floor...To be trapped in my arms or in her stroller was not her idea of a good time...Add the blood work, contraptions going up her nose, instruments in her ears and removing/replacing her tiny contact lens and well I'd say today was a D+...


For me, having to hold her down, making sure she doesn't move for some of these procedures when she's screaming and looking at me so confused as to why I'm letting people hurt her, kills me....


So on an already tough day, I was then told that Pip will need to have another surgery...Bloody tubes in her ears because of fluid, which again is quite common in kids with Down syndrome...And while I realize it's common in a lot of kids and the actually surgery itself isn't the biggest of deals - It's still another surgery for Pip, it's still another time under anesthetic, it's still another sleepless night beforehand for me, it's still another day where I stuff my face & fear with snickers, it's still another moment where I have to give up my daughter and learn to let go...


I feel like my sweet girl just can't catch a break...It's like you find out children with Down syndrome can have this, this and this and for some reason my little Pip has got them all...Congentital Cataracts - Check...Congenital Heart Defect - Double Check... Hypotonia - Check....Hypothyroidism - Check...


I know I told Fate to "Bring It" the other day but I'd love for this to be Pip's last "Check"...

Got that Fate... 







And have to note that while I had a good cry about all this, Pip really does put this and my life in perspective - This is her at our last appointment of the day...I mean, come on...

It's for these families....#differentisbeautiful Calendar


I wish I could explain what I am feeling right now....I'm just getting home from our #differentisbeautiful Calendar Casting Call & I can't really find the words to describe the pride I have in what we are doing...


I honestly didn't know what to expect - I was hoping more than 3 kids would show up and had other projects to discuss with the photographer to fill in time if it wasn't busy...


What happened though blew me away...


There was a line up of people waiting when I arrived - Shocked.


Families coming all the way from Toronto & Oshawa, Special-Need Workers who follow the blog bringing in clients, dads bringing their kids because moms were working, parents coming with pictures and information because their children couldn't make it and mommas almost as excited as the children themselves...


For 2 straight hours people came and I didn't even have time to take a sip of water...It was that busy...Awesome right? 


The vast amount of differences & diagnoses we saw was eye-opening, amazing & something I'm so very excited to feature in our calendar...



But what blew me away the most, and gives this calendar such purpose was the similarities in each family despite the different diagnoses...

Photos by Eden Grove Photography

I got to spend time, sit & chat and really understand what their child's difference{s} was, the struggle, the constant doc appointments, the therapies, the worry, the treatments, the future prognosis. And well the journey for each diagnoses was different, the core remained the same - The path may have been harder but the love & pride was overwhelming...


The #differentisbeautiful Calendar is for these families...It's to let them share that pride that I got to see today...It's to show them we think their child is outrageously beautiful...It's to honour the hours, days, months they spent in hospitals, doctor appointments, seeing specialist and therapies...It's to stand beside them and pat their backs for a job well done...It's to allow them to shout from the rooftops that their child is special, important, valued and bloody awesome...


I'm so honoured to be putting this together and can't wait for y'all to see the kids who will be involved...


Today my heart was pretty damn happy.