I wonder if this is what it feels like when you're losing your mind. When you're about to break. I wonder if people sense it beforehand.

I wonder if it's crying at the silliest things, like leaving wet laundry in the washing machine & having to re-do that load. But understanding that really the tears are for the times you can't cry. 

  • The times when you have to be brave in front of your kids, giving your daughter needle after needle. 
  • When you have to set-your-alarm-even-though-you-haven't-slept-in-days because the doctor wants you to check blood sugars at 2am in case her's drop too low. 
  • When you walk aimlessly around the mall trying to find a cute little bag to fit insulin pens, blood sugar monitors & the dreaded Glucagon needle. 
  • When you give the super friendly salesclerk the wrong amount of money, not once, not twice, but three times because your mind is literally elsewhere. 
  • When it feels like everyone else is picking out backpacks & back-to-school stuff & you're questioning if you should even be sending her. 
  • When you have to pull her from daycare the last few weeks because she literally needs to physically be around you, so you can poke & prod her every few hours. 
  • When you suddenly have to pull out simple math, a subject you despise & are terrible at, to count carbs, calculate insulate dosages & bloody weigh food on a scale. 
  • When you now have to stress about seizures, the thought of other people giving your child needles and Hypoglycemia - When you realize it sucks the big one that you even have to know what Hypoglycemia is. 
  • When you feel so lonely because your world revolves around this new diagnosis, it's all you think about, all you worry about, all you want to master to make sure you are giving your child the very best care. 
  • When you find out there is a monitoring system that has alarms letting you know your child is in danger before they go unconscious, but then find out your insurance doesn't cover it & it costs more than your first car. 
  • When you have to record every little thing and then second guess, re-check & doubt yourself anyways.
  • When you're already so over-worked, over-tired & over-stimulated that your brain & body feel like they can't possible take on more or retain any other information.  
  • When it's hard to think about the future because the situation at present seems so very unsure. 

For all the times I can't cry, there is just as many times I have. I cried in the pantry. I cried alone in my van. I cried in the shower & yesterday I cried doing laundry. I've seriously cried more in the past week then any other week I can ever remember, not including the week Pip was born and Down syndrome smacked me in the face

Friends, I'm at that point, where I feel I could break. I'm struggling. It's been one week since Pip was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes, I've given over 30+ needles, I've poked her fingers & some already seem to be running out of blood. I've gone to meeting after meeting, changed upcoming school plans & been stretched in ways I would never dream, could be so painful.  

Point is, I'm reaching out for some love. I've shared our lives as honestly & as genuinely as I could the past few years. You've come along on our journey as we walked through so much - And I'm so thankful for all your prayers, thoughts and well wishes.  

But now I'm asking for more, I'm asking y'all for some grace & some support. Nothing would make me happier than seeing all the awareness we are trying so hard to bring, spread a little more. 

So, with the help of my team Fraser & Brittani from Hurricane & Harbour we've created a new Happy Soul Project t-shirt geared at #PIPSARMY - Wearing it helps "Fight the Good Fight" with us. 

And I have made a decision in regards to our #differentisbeautiful Calendars. While I seriously have loved nothing more, than getting the opportunity to feature amazing kids in it, due to circumstances, this year's calendar will just feature my sweet Pip. Bonus though, it can also be used as a teaching tool - Each month will feature fun, interesting facts about Down syndrome. I know firsthand, that talking in front of kids & classrooms is uber nerve-wracking. Seriously, I'd take a roomful of adults any day. When I have to give elementary school talks, I'm always lost as to what to say, how to keep it simple yet interesting. And I know there are so many parents out there, that would love to go into their child's class or school to give a small presentation about Down syndrome, but don't know what to say or how to do it. So this year's calendar is for you. It shows you exactly what I say & do when I go into schools to spread awareness about Down syndrome & our #differentisbeautiful message. 

So, by helping purchase one or both of these items you are in turn helping me. Y'all are allowing me room to breath. To focus in on what I have to do for my little girl & my family, while still feeling like I am doing something for Happy Soul Project...

So, please if you can, shop away:

To pre-order your 2017 Calendar click HERE
To pre-order your #PipsArmy "Fight the Good Fight" shirt click HERE
To pre-order your Calendar & shirt combo click HERE

Thank you friends. Seriously.