Hug Harder Today...

Today I'm thankful when he is scared in the middle of the night he still calls out momma, that he uses cuddles to delay going to sleep for hours, that he plays with his food & frustrates the heck outta me, that he doesn't want to share his toys, pushes his sister & gets annoyingly silly. Because, today I'm thankful he is here.

Today I'm thankful when her eye tears up, I know she has lost her itty-bitty contact that is beyond a pain-in-the-arse to put back in, that she has hours upon hours of appointments, therapies & specialists to see, that she can't eat gluten, takes medication for her thyroid, still wears diapers & absolutely refuses to wear her glasses. Because, today I'm thankful she is here.

Today I'm thankful that he wakes up every 2 hours seeking out his momma, that he pukes directly in my freshly washed hair that now seems like a luxury to clean, that he snorts & makes weird little noises in the middle of the night & that he cries unless I'm holding or wearing him. Because, today I'm thankful he is here.

Seeing my best friend deal with losing her sweet boy to cancer has been heartbreaking - And now another close friend, lost her little boy suddenly & I still can't even begin to wrap my head around how excruciating the pain would be.

So, I'll wake up any hour despite being exhausted to comfort mine. I'll take in each & every cuddle even through I have things to do & Netflix shows to watch. I'll argue the benefits of veggies & negotiate "one-more-bite" deals and I'll give timeouts & encourage silliness.

So, I'll work on getting better every time I take care of her eyes & cherish the its-okay-hugs that make her feel better. I'll drive across the country to see whomever can help her thrive. I'll learn to bloody cook even though I can barely make scrambled eggs, continue holding her hand, change diapers till she's 13 & wear fake glasses myself to encourage her to wear hers.

So, I'll wake up any hour despite being exhausted to comfort, nurse & sooth him. I'll use baby wipes, wear my hair in a bun & pretend I'm the only one who faintly smells baby-milk-puke. I'll sleep less but more peacefully hearing him breath, knowing he is okay and I'll let him cling to me & be the biggest momma's boy out there. 

Friends, you never really know how much time you get to be their mommas, so hug harder today.

All I want for Christmas is Celiac Disease...Wait What?

Every single time Pip's doctor says, "We got the results back from her blood work", my heart skips a beat, I brace myself for the dreaded Leukemia news {heightened risk of developing with Down syndrome} & I breath out gratitude when it's something else...Her heart issues, Hypothyroidism & now today Celiac Disease

Now, don't get me wrong I'm not jumping up in down thanking Sweet Jesus by any means. First, I cry, I swear, I get angry, I get jealous and I get mad, real freaking mad. But then I hold my little girl tight and I try to breath out gratitude.

When the doctor told me, Pip will have to be put under general anesthetic to have a scope and biopsy done next week, I couldn't stop the tears. This will be the 9th time...

9 times I've had to dress her in one of those awful hospital gowns. 9 times I've had to hold her begging God that it's not the last time. 9 times I've had to sing her to sleep in an operating room. 9 times I've nervously sat and shoved Snickers down my hatch in a waiting room. 9 times I've never been more grateful in my life when she's back in my arms in recovery. 

I really let the whole "9-times-pity-party" have it's way with my emotions for awhile today, in between getting angry & swearing. Out loud, in my head, to God, to the minivan steering wheel as I punched it, to my husband, heck I think this time I even swore with the doctor. I just truly feel like me & my sweet girl can't ever catch a break. It's been one thing after the other with Pip medically and I can barely breath in between each new diagnosis. 

Pip has already been & is still going through so much - And now Celiac Disease, I mean this is life changing. It's not like it's just a pill or medication to take every morning, this is a complete life change and means more appointments, another specialist to add to her already full rolodex, working with a dietitian, increase blood work and sooooo many dietary changes.

So, now 2 days before Christmas, Pip will rock yet another hospital gown, I'll eat 7pds of chocolate and we'll do this yet again.

I think you have to choose to be thankful in life and even though I feel like grabbing Fate or God by the neck and screaming, "Enough, seriously enough already." I also want to grab Fate or God in a big-huge-momma-bear-hug and say, "Thank you. Thank you that it's not cancer & it's Celiac Disease."

We will learn to deal and in the meantime, please send Snickers my way.

Spirit, Sass & Sweetness....

I can't believe my sweet Pip is 3 today...So very much has happen in 3 years and I can't help but reflect {mostly at 2am while nursing Theo and looking back at photos and memories} on it all. I could sit here and write a book about her diagnosis, all her surgeries, having the fear of God put into me at the thought of losing her & coming to terms with it all. Or I could try and write some wise, deep, momma filled words about how much she's changed me & how very much I love her. 

But I won't. Today, I simply want to just celebrate her. 

Her spirit, her sass & her sweetness...

This little girl, beyond anything has taught me to see the beauty in living a life painted outside the lines. 

So to celebrate her, the 4Cats Art Studio in Kingston was kind enough to host a paint splatter party that totally reflected everything that is Pip...

Surrounded by family & friends we got covered in paint & cupcake icing & just loved up my little girl...

Happy Birthday Pip - I love your spirit, sass & sweetness.