I never felt this before...

- The daily anticipation that it could happen
- The not sure what to plan because it could be any day now
- The maybe it's go time cramps, back pain & exhaustion

I never felt this before because my first two babies were early...Noal was 3.5 weeks early, put me through 21 hours of labour, almost made me get a blood transfusion & I ended up passing out. Good bloody times!

And Pip was almost 3 weeks early; we had just moved across the province to a new city & had only been living there for 2 weeks when she rocked our world...Literally. I feel like in a way with her, I was "cheated" out of the newborn stage - We were slapped with her Down syndrome diagnosis, petrified of the holes in her heart & geared up for her first surgery at 5 weeks old. 

But with #3 well it's just different. With this one, well he isn't officially "over due yet", but I just thought he'd be here by now. I thought by early October I'd be getting baby snugs, breastfeeding like it was my job & running on even less sleep if that's even possible.
And while I'm physically way over being pregnant {this one has been my hardest yet} and I'm anxious as anything to get on with things & meet our little man, I'm kinda trying to take in these days with just my Noal & Pip...


See to the two of them, they have had each other their whole lives...Noal was only 7 mths old when I became pregnant with Pip - He even thinks him and Pip were in my belly together, he truly doesn't remember life without her. And while he's so excited to have a little "broder" & Pippy couldn't possibly be any cuter snugging my belly or "her baby", I know that this will bring with it big changes. Changes I don't know if I wanna make because there are some things I absolutely adore more than anything in our lives right now.
  • The way I still rock Pip to sleep and she falls asleep on my shoulder all nuzzled into my neck. 
  • The way I can still manage two kids out in public, at a grocery stop or at the bus stop. Add another one, with a car seat & diaper bag and I'm tired just thinking about venturing out let alone doing it.
  • The way Noal still crawls into our bed at some point through the night and wants to sleep cheek to cheek & in his sleep says "love you momma".
  • The way I still have to hold Pip half the time because she's tired of walking or lazy or just wants to be close.
  • The way the car seats were behind me in my van so I could pass them stuff, tickle their toes or wipe their nose at a light. Now I'm literally throwing arrowroot cookies back at them like a MLB player hoping for a catch.
  • The way we have family time every night - Dinner with the 4 of us, baths & books and chats.
  • The way Pip still feels like my baby & Noal is my "favourite boy".

 And while I love all that we are & wish change didn't have to happen, I know #3 will complete us even more. I know that soon it will feel like he's been here the whole time.

And I guess if he's making me play the waiting game, I should relish in the way we are now.