I thought I was brave going into a 7+ hour car ride ALONE with the two hooligans & dog, but now I know it was more delusional thinking, chronic sleep deprivation & the deranged hope that a DVD player & a nap could get me through it...


In reality here is what happened:


    1: I hoped for a smooth take-off- Tried to pack as much into the van the night before, woke up early, etc, etc..

    Reality: I left an hour later than I hoped...I tried to leave 3 BLOODY TIMES- First time, Noal pooped...Second time, Noal freaked out & needed his other pair of "sunnies"...Third time, Pip puked all over her car seat...I drove 10ish minutes away only to turn right back around 3 times...Great start





    2: I wanted to eat healthy snacks/lunch & packed fruit, nuts, water, etc..

    RealityWho was I kidding? I rarely eat healthy snacks as is, let alone trying to get sunflower seeds down my hatch while driving...I just ended up with a bunch of loose nuts scattered around my seat & internally cursed every fast-food rest stop I drove past...Part of the fun of road tripping is the good eats- Definitely not the case this time...






    3: Stop only if I have to- In my head I was right willing to pull over to the side of the road to pee if the hooligans were sleeping...

    RealityNoal didn't sleep for one second, not ONE...When I did stop for a pee, I made my way into a lovely Burger King bathroom where I wore Pip in a sling, held Noal's hand tight & tried to balance it all while pee squatting...Noal of course broke free, tried to shimmy his way under the bathroom stall into the next, realized a stranger was in there, freaked out & instead opened the door pushing it with his full force, then continuing to swing the door back & forth as hard as he could,  all while I was still in my squat yelling "sorry still in here"...Next time side of the road it is...





    4: My biggest delusional thought was that I'd have a moment to myself- I even went the library & rented an audio book {ya I'm that girl- love me an audio book}...I thought Noal would want to watch his fav show Franklin for a bit, fall asleep and then I could drive away listening to chapter after chapter...

    Reality: I listened to 7 hours of Franklin & I wanted to punch throat Beaver in the neck...For those that have been privy to Franklin please tell me y'all think that bloody Beaver is a bossy little twonk...





    5: Thinking I could rationalize with a two-year old...I was prepared...Had movies, toys, snacks, etc all laid out on my passenger seat ready to be passed to Noal whenever he started to get antsy...

    Reality: Nothing you pass back after a few hours in a car seat will be enough....He'll drive you crazy, not listen, stay awake, throw food or sippy cups, try to wake up his rockstar-of-a-napper-little-sister or as loudly as possibly "Baaaaa or Naaaaay" whenever he thinks he "sees" a sheep or horse...


    Enjoy a little glimpse into my reality...