Road Trip Realities with Two Babes

I thought I was brave going into a 7+ hour car ride ALONE with the two hooligans & dog, but now I know it was more delusional thinking, chronic sleep deprivation & the deranged hope that a DVD player & a nap could get me through it...

In reality here is what happened:

    1: I hoped for a smooth take-off- Tried to pack as much into the van the night before, woke up early, etc, etc..

    Reality: I left an hour later than I hoped...I tried to leave 3 BLOODY TIMES- First time, Noal pooped...Second time, Noal freaked out & needed his other pair of "sunnies"...Third time, Pip puked all over her car seat...I drove 10ish minutes away only to turn right back around 3 times...Great start

    2: I wanted to eat healthy snacks/lunch & packed fruit, nuts, water, etc..

    RealityWho was I kidding? I rarely eat healthy snacks as is, let alone trying to get sunflower seeds down my hatch while driving...I just ended up with a bunch of loose nuts scattered around my seat & internally cursed every fast-food rest stop I drove past...Part of the fun of road tripping is the good eats- Definitely not the case this time...

    3: Stop only if I have to- In my head I was right willing to pull over to the side of the road to pee if the hooligans were sleeping...

    RealityNoal didn't sleep for one second, not ONE...When I did stop for a pee, I made my way into a lovely Burger King bathroom where I wore Pip in a sling, held Noal's hand tight & tried to balance it all while pee squatting...Noal of course broke free, tried to shimmy his way under the bathroom stall into the next, realized a stranger was in there, freaked out & instead opened the door pushing it with his full force, then continuing to swing the door back & forth as hard as he could,  all while I was still in my squat yelling "sorry still in here"...Next time side of the road it is...

    4: My biggest delusional thought was that I'd have a moment to myself- I even went the library & rented an audio book {ya I'm that girl- love me an audio book}...I thought Noal would want to watch his fav show Franklin for a bit, fall asleep and then I could drive away listening to chapter after chapter...

    Reality: I listened to 7 hours of Franklin & I wanted to punch throat Beaver in the neck...For those that have been privy to Franklin please tell me y'all think that bloody Beaver is a bossy little twonk...

    5: Thinking I could rationalize with a two-year old...I was prepared...Had movies, toys, snacks, etc all laid out on my passenger seat ready to be passed to Noal whenever he started to get antsy...

    Reality: Nothing you pass back after a few hours in a car seat will be enough....He'll drive you crazy, not listen, stay awake, throw food or sippy cups, try to wake up his rockstar-of-a-napper-little-sister or as loudly as possibly "Baaaaa or Naaaaay" whenever he thinks he "sees" a sheep or horse...

    Enjoy a little glimpse into my reality...


    1. Anonymous1.8.13

      But what about the trip back??? Jill

    2. Erica1.8.13

      I love this too much for words!!! Lol awesome

      1. Haaa funny now thinking about it or watching the video but at the time I was going nutso...

    3. Anonymous1.8.13

      Ah Tara luv it, you are a rock star yourself ..reminded me of many road trips with my 3 holy terrors and how I didn't think I or they would survive. Now when they tell their own kid stories I can smile and think " there is a God" my darling grandkids are just as wonderful to they're parents as they're parents were to us..enjoy every moment....Trudy

    4. Anonymous1.8.13

      Too funny Tara!!!!! Loved this read:) Julie

    5. Why I just have one...LOL

    6. Ohhhh my you are so funny! My now 20 year old Down Syndrome son has been packed for years and ready to move away from his crazy household full of pesty younger brothers, rude cats, needy dogs, and two parents that still think we are in our 20s. He tells me he's done with all of us!! Pip is darling as is your sweet boys!! I'm a big fan of yours!!