It's not the same. It's not fine. It's just not.


So my daughter is a kleptomaniac & a sneaky one to boot...


Driving home from the Dentist before we battled 3 other appointments later in the day, I grabbed my purse, sitting peacefully on the passenger's seat beside me with hopes to grab some moula to pay for a coffee.  


Instead when I reached inside, the entire contents were swimming in sticky, warm, emergency-low-sugar-source apple juice. My 3 year old had apparently snatched one of the Dentist's pokey tool things & plopped it into my purse, in turn, popping the juice box and creating this delightful hell-of-a-mess that I totally had time for on a day like yesterday...


That to most, would be enough to call 'er a day. 


But instead I got swept up in a Déjà vu so unbelievably similar to last year, and the year before, and by the looks of it every year moving forward. 


Pip has to have surgery AGAIN. 


Tubes, Adenoids & Tonsils this time. And I know a ba-zillion kids get this & all will be fine. But it's not the same. It's not fine. It's just not. 




9 times already I've had to dress her in one of those awful hospital gowns. 9 times I've had to hold her begging God that it's not the last time. 9 times I've had to sing her to sleep in an operating room. 9 times I've nervously sat and shoved Snickers down my hatch in a waiting room. 9 times I've never been more grateful in my life when she's back in my arms in recovery. 


This will be her 10th surgery. 10!!!! She's 3 years old. My kid can't catch a freaking break for anything. My kid has more complications and it's starting to feel like she has something "wrong" on pretty much every piece of her little body. My kid not only has to now deal with the pain & healing side of an extremely sore throat after the surgery, she has to survive it all by still maintaining blood sugar levels and Type 1 Diabetes & stick to a Celiac compliant diet. 



I'm starting to get real mad. I mean, seriously. It's pretty unbelievable that one child, that one family, that one momma can deal with so, so, so much. It's like the universe wants me to break. And I don't have the slightest idea as to why... 

Aunt Donna is rocking our #PipsArmy shirt - Get one HERE

All I know is that yet again, I'm calling on #PipsArmy, I'm crying in the pantry, I'm stocking up my Snickers and I'm refusing to sink. 







#feckoffuniverse #seriouslyfeckoff

27 comments:

  1. Anonymous27.9.16

    Would love to connect with you somehow. I so related to those words you just wrote. My oldest son is seven and has intestinal failure. He's been sick since the day he was born. He has a picc line and an ostomy bag. He's had 14 surgeries. It never gets easier. I'm still hiding in the bathroom daily to cry. I still fall apart. I still wonder how much more one little boy can take, how much more this mama and this family can take. Thank you for writing this. I was crying in the bathroom when I read it. Thank you.

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  2. Anonymous27.9.16

    I so understand the feeling of the universe trying to break you. But us mommas have to just keep breathing and we can pull through it all. My oldest is 9 and has down syndrome and my others are 7, forever 5, and 2. I lost my sweet Matthew in May. Life is hard and unfair BUT we pull through it and say fuck you universe and just keep breathing. I'm kinda rambling but just wanted to say your not alone in feeling like the universe is out to break you

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  3. Prayer for a safe surgery and speedy recovery

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  4. My son is being referred to ENT to look at his wee ears for tubes. He's healthy as a damn horse - no complications or past surgeries...and I'm still a wreck.
    You have every right to be mad. Actually, you have the right to be pissed right off.
    Seriously, #feckoffmeanieuniverse

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  5. Its completey normal to have these feelings, I had them as well 3 months ago when my Lil one dual diganose ds and austium, spd
    , weve had 5 surgery's our last was same as what your faced with now, I'm not going to tell you its easy cause it wasn't for us, but like every obstacle we've faced we made it thru. Its OK to get angry,mad,sad, pretty much every emotion you can think of runs through our minds. Your a great mom and your doing great and just like our gifts we too have melt downs. Good luck will keep y'all in our prayers and thoughts.

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  6. You have every right to cry in the pantry or scream at the top of your lungs "IT'S NOT FAIR!" because it's not fair at all that one baby, one family, one momma has to go through so much.
    Just know that Pips Army is here and pulling for you guys! You are an amazing mother and advocate and through all your struggles you are helping others.

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  7. It's not fair Tara. You're right. It's almost too much for one mommy's shoulders to bear. But not quite. You've got this. I wish I lived closer, I'd PM you for your address and bring you a freezer full of gluten free dinners. PS- I was at a wedding over the summer and got chatting to a super nice lady from Kingston, turns out she was Pip's ballet teacher! :)

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  8. You're right it's not fair. And no matter how routine the surgery is, it's always stressful on parents. You eat snickers, I eat M&M when my little man has routine surgery. Hang in there. Cry, scream and maybe take up kickboxing. �� Everyone understands and if they don't, they don't deserve to be in your and Pip's life.

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  9. Anonymous27.9.16

    that's right u never give up , EVER! trust me is worth it i know its seams like the world or the universe is being an ass, but u can do this and will . your beautiful 3 kiddos need there wander women of a mom . #PipsArmy #sheisafighter . You got this

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  10. So so sorry for all the hurdles you and Pip and the rest of the family have to deal with. Wishing you strength and patience with the universe... there is no 'why' in my experience (as in why this is all happening to Pip)... would be nice if there were, I know, b/c you'd be all over addressing the cause for her sake - right? Right! Have a snickers and try to focus on what over why if you can. Hugs to you both xxxooo

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  11. As a mother of young children, I just could not imagine.

    We met Pip twice at playland with your parents who were visiting last year.
    What a sweet girl.
    I hope and pray for her, and also for you, and your whole family, that she comes through healthy and happy.
    Sending loads of strength your way.

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  12. Prayers for Pip and for you. Keep up the awesome work loving your babies. Hugs.

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  13. No words. Just prayers for strength, peace and healing. <3

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  14. Hi Tara,

    You don't know me but through following you on Instagram and Facebook I've gotten to know you and your wonderful family. I always want to comment on your posts - so witty, so hilarious, so raw and full of emotion - but I hold off because, well, I'm a stranger to you. But this post reached me.

    All the clichès in the world won't make you feel better. It isn't fair. Life isn't fair....etc. What will make you feel better is Pip. Your daughter will make you feel like you are winning. Because you are. You're winning at the mom game. You are a fucking superwoman. Only your daughter will make you feel this way and get you out of that closet and let you cry, cry some more.

    If she could articulate that she would. It looks like she tells you in other ways that only you and her understand. That's the magic of motherhood.

    You are a fucking superhero and your daughter is your cape.

    Xoxo
    Mandy

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    Replies
    1. Well said. I completely agree

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    2. Dena Elizabeth30.9.16

      Very well said!

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  15. Anonymous27.9.16

    What size t-shirt is aunt Donna wearing?

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    Replies
    1. 2XL!!!! And she LOVES it!!!

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  16. Anonymous27.9.16

    Life is definitely not always fair, but you are strong and so is Pip. The joy she gives you each and every day lessons the whys. Prayers are with you and your family.

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  17. Anonymous27.9.16

    Hang in their mama..there's a whole wack of us mamas following behind you...both encouraged by your strength and scared by your reality..because it's ours too. My peanut is 18 months..1 surgery down..1 diagnosis so far (T21)...we rally behind you and for you. And for each other too.

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  18. Anonymous27.9.16

    I can definitely feel your sadness and where your coming from I have a 8 year old son with down syndrome who has had 12 surgeries and of course some of the things werent corrected properly! So still have on going health issues.. From day 1 it has been something and I wonder when my sweet child will ever catch a break! It breaks my heart laying him on that table! But seems like it's the only answer they only have for us! I'm praying for your family!

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  19. Tara and family you can do it. My son with DS will most likely be getting a T & A (not Tits and Ass) this year as well. It sucks, it's routine, and we hate too! Shove those snickers and have her sip as soon as she can every few minutes to heal her throat quickly. We used the pause button on my older sons shows while he recovered and pressed play when he sipped. Good luck!

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  20. Wishes and hopes for a speedy and easy recovery. You deserve it. Hugs to Pip. There are no other words I can say. We are 17 surgeries in ears and urinary are no longer operable without radical efforts - now looking at hospital bed (to go with oxygen, c-pap and humidifier at night) and glasses. I would love to say it gets easier - but it doesn't - and it does eff'ing suck that you all have to keep doing this. So since my words can't make it better - just hugs.

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  21. Anonymous28.9.16

    Keep going Sweets. You have an army behind you.

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  22. I hear you and I see you. Sending you and Pip and the whole medical family love and prayers. XOOX

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  23. Anonymous28.9.16

    <3 <3 <#

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  24. Dena Elizabeth30.9.16

    Praying and praying for you, Pip, and everyone involved.
    Bless your heart for all of this, you are an amazing mother...and an amazing woman.
    Sending strength, comfort and love from Washington. 💖

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