I still get jealous.

After all these years.
A decade worth of life with Pip.
It doesn’t happen often.
But when it does, it stings.
Just for a minute.
And today started out like one of those times.
I was gearing up for a full week of appointments for Pip.
Hospital visits full of blood work, x-rays & more Specialists than most people would see their entire life.
And as I sat in one of the waiting rooms we’ve been visiting since she was a newborn.
I started to feel myself fall down the pity-party-path.
I can remember many a days, wiping tears in that exact room.
Thinking of friends with their daughters, who got to enjoy play dates & fun activities.
As I was bringing Pip to appointment-after-appointment, overcoming feelings of loneliness & jealousy.
And you’d think after 10 years this all would get easier.
But, it’s not.
It’s hard friends.
I’m pulling my little girl from school most days this week.
I’m lugging around all day coats & equipment & T1D supplies & low emergency snacks.
I’m carrying worry & fear with each appointment, because so many have resulted in new disabilities or news another surgery is needed.
But, then Pip does Pip.
And her magic changes me & these feelings.
I see her come alive in that hospital.
I see her run to me at school as excited as any kid would be to go to Disneyland.
I see her jet to the security desk when you first walk in & announce to the bewildered Security Guard, “I AM HERE” as she flings her arms open wide & gets her first smile.
I see her interact & blow away nurses & doctors who have known her since she was born, with how far she’s come.
I see her concern whenever she sees someone in a cast or has crutches & watch as she can’t even help herself & goes right up to them asking if they are ok.
I see her have favourite secretaries that she runs and hugs & they patiently “let her work” with them.
I see her flirt with any & everyone telling an older gentlemen with a walking cane on the elevator how handsome he was.
I see her try & comfort kids that are scared or crying.
I see that this space, while triggering for me, is not for her and I’m so grateful for that.
And I see her every single time know exactly who needs her.
Today it was a little old lady, wrapped in a hospital gown, who seemed upset sitting next to her in the x-ray waiting room.
It was as if Pip just knew, the woman needed to smile.
Pip cozied up to her, told her she looked beautiful & then proceeded to full out just chat with her like they’ve been besties for ages.
I watched the woman’s eyes change.
I witness the magic Pip unleashes.
I saw how her joy lights up those feeling the most vulnerable.
And I like to think regardless of what happen or what news that woman received in her x-ray today, Pip helped ease some of it.
Cause that’s what she does.
That’s what she has always done for me.
When I’m feeling vulnerable or lonely or jealous.
She shoots me up with her magic and I remember how bloody lucky I am that she is mine...