It started last night, when I rocked her to bed. When I whispered, "I love you sweet girl" and she "whispered" a bumble of words I take as "love you too".

It was there as we took one last twirl, the last dance if you will, for the day & she continually signed for "more".


And then today, picking out the perfect dress, braiding her hair & finding sandals that would stay on her bloody-Houdini-feet.



It stuck around as I watched her hug her brother with 110% effort & then quickly kiss me to bugger off & play as I dropped her off at daycare.
This strong feeling of overwhelmingly pride & sense of fear in learning to let go, consumed me - Such a mix bag of emotions having my sweet Pippy Layne graduate Preschool/Daycare today...
We sat at the very back of the room, cause I was on the later side arriving. Shocker!!! The Director started talking about how these little 3 and 4 year old's are the next generation of "Doctors & Astronauts" and if I'm being honest, I kinda twinged a wee bit inside. Maybe Pip, like she always does, will surpass all my expectations, but a part of me kinda knows those professions, just ain't in the cards. Before, I could dwell too deeply, the graduates entered the room. And Eagle Eyes spotted her momma.
And then pretty much game over. The songs she learned with her class, not a chance. Practicing walking up to get her diploma, good try. Watching the adorable slideshow, forget about it.
She wanted nothing to do with anything, except me.
For awhile, I had to bend down at the front of the room with her in my lap and I thought my dress was literally gonna split open, which would have been just super.
Point is, today isn't at all what I hoped. I pictured her smiling and goofing off, waving proudly and loudly to us, showing off the songs she's been working on with her class. Instead she was shy, clingy, in a bit of a mood & refused to let me put her down.
Today I had planned to learn to let go, but turns out, that's not what Pip needed. And I'm okay with that...
I figure we've come this far together, me & her. So, maybe it was fitting to walk today hand in hand, knowing all that we've been through. Maybe before we open the door to what's next, we needed to close this one together.
And don't y'all worry, I explained everything to her. I mean, who needs to go outta space, when you're leaving a significant footprint on this very planet.