The past few weeks caught up to me today and I had a little cry on a park bench...What set me off, was catching the tone I had with my children. Just getting us all sun screened and out the door was a mission in itself, Noal was kinda grumpy all morning, Pip teething and miserable & me, stressed beyond... 


We put our house up for sale back in May & right when we had come to terms with it not selling in time and just sticking a crib in our bedroom for Baby #3 - Poof, an offer, and not only an offer but an offer to get out in 20 days...

If that wasn't gong-show enough, we purchased a home that I love but that I want to rip down walls & get my creative-nesty-momma-self on in - So we're looking at 6 weeks worth of renos meaning we need to move into a rental for a bit beforehand. Perfect timing with our son starting kindergarten, our daughter facing another surgery and me having another baby right?

I had planned for this summer to be full of so much more. It's the last summer before Noal goes to school, before Pip has a younger brother, before my husband becomes a dad for 3rd time. It was supposed to be full of special momma & Noal dates, moments with my little girl & taking in every kick from #3. 


I wanted it to be a summer I would look back on later in life, remembering exactly what my children were like. Because lately it feels like they are growing up immensely everyday & I'd give anything to just pause time and take it all in...


Today when I caught myself and the way & the tone I was talking to them, I was embarrassed. I gave myself a "timeout" and sat on the park bench while they played and I cried behind my sunglasses. I cried for the summer I wished we were having. I cried for the time that is passing too fast. I cried for the way I get uber short & super frustrated as a momma. I cried for the thought of how drastically our lives our going to change. I cried for the never-ending "to-do" list that seems to suffocate me at times. I cried for how utterly tired I am and all that is ahead. I cried for how I behaved & how impatient I was with them. 


Noal came over at one point, not knowing I was crying, just hugged my knees & sweetly said, "You're the best momma" and ran off to the swings...


I cried because while I'm hard on myself as a momma, they simply think I'm the best.