I have a love/hate, okay mostly hate relationship with Pip's therapy stuff...I love that it is available & we are being proactive instead of reactive...I love that the people involved seemed to actual care about Pip's progress & are helpful & supportive...I love that we really have seen her develop the last few months- almost as if catching up from the slow start she had at the beginning...


But all that positive stuff being said- I still hate it...


I hate that it even has to happen...It's hard to explain but let me try...


As a mum you kinda naturally just know what to do- well at least I felt like I did...You know how to hold them as babies, feed them when the time comes, play & do activities together- It all just comes about as it should...No one necessarily is telling you what to do or how to do it...You're just doing what feels right for you & your baby...


But with Pip it's the opposite...While I still just do what comes naturally, it is now on display, literally for others to dissect...


"Hold the spoon this way instead of that way", "Lift her leg up from under her", "Make sure you have conversations everyday with her"...



Whatever it is- whatever they are telling me for some reason it bugs me...A lot...


I've never really been one to like when people tell me what to do- So having someone, {regardless of the fact that they are just trying to help} watch you intently while you feed, play or talk with your baby just about does me in...


Take the other day for example- The doorbell rang at 9 am, the hooligans were both in pj's, I'm was looking like a hot mess in leggings & a tight tank top with a nursing pad poking out the top, no makeup, hair in a bun, the house was outrageously messy & the dog was going absolutely buck wild...I opened the door shocked to find Pip's Feeding Specialist & Speech Therapist all set & ready to go for an in-home session...


Bloody hell- It's the first appointment I have forgotten & of course that's how it starts- So right off the hop I'm irritable with myself, not prepared & silently praying that Noal will eat a muffin & watch a show while we focus on Pip...


Now I'm not one to cry much, but after they left I just couldn't help it...I just hate all of this sometimes...


I hate that I feel like I am being "judged"...I know in reality I am not- But when you're sitting there & all eyes are on how you are feeding your child, how your holding the spoon, how your paying attention to her behaviour or shouldn't be, all really do my head in...



I just want to be...Period...I just wish all of this was just as natural as it was with Noal...I wish I didn't want to punch her Speech Therapist in the neck when he looks at me in all seriousness & says, "Do you talk to Pip? Do you look at her when you're talking?" - Or when she's playing with a toy & he advises me to, "Repeat what you are saying, Pip press the button, Pip press the button, Pip press the button" - Wham punch in the neck...


It's a weird thing this whole therapy thing...It's like I go in there, rooting & hoping Pip really shows off...Really proves to them how much we've been working on things...Last week in her OT & PT appointment she impressed them with how well she's been sitting up- And a little part inside of me was clapping wishing I could scream out, "See we got this- You show them Pip"...


But then there are other days where she is tired or has had enough & she doesn't do as well...Days were she just looks up at me with tears in her eyes & I can tell she's exhausted...Those days I just scoop her up & tell them she's done & that we will work on things at home...Those days I try not to cry- I try not blame myself for not doing enough...Those days suck to be flat out honest...


And as if the actual sessions weren't hard enough, you then get a report a few weeks later that flattens you completely...There I am proud little mumma thinking Pip is doing so well, {and she is} but comparatively to a "typical" 10 month old in which the report is compared to she is not...


So it all kinda just smacks ya in the face...


Different bloggers out there really get into the whole "therapy" side of Down syndrome...And I actually really appreciate that as it gives an outlook on what to expect...Those reading Happy Soul Project & looking for some therapy tips/advice/etc please seek out other bloggers as I probably won't be getting into such detail- Blogs like Noah's Dad are quite helpful for that kind of information.


I've said it before, I do, really truly believe her big brother will be by far her best "therapy" in life...Keeping up with him, playing, learning & absorbing all he does has already helped her grow leaps & bounds...





At the end of the day, I really do know that all these therapies are a really good thing for Pip- It's a part of her life & I need to embrace it a bit better... 



But a part of me will always still hate it...