I'm sitting here stuffing, literally stuffing my face with this new sweet & salty popcorn a friend left from the night before & about to have my second glass of wine...Before y'all read any further, leave your judgement at the door...Remember Happy Soul Project is a "No Judging" kinda place...


 I've been single parenting for almost a week now...I got a rhythm going & things are manageable but Sweet Jesus that hour or two before bedtime is like nothing else...We all were suppose to be away for a wedding back in my Hub's hometown, however appts with specialists came up for Pip & I stayed with the hooligans...
Tonight's the wedding & my Hubs {who also happens to be the best man} is living it up...Good on him, I would be too...I got a video of him, from a friend at about 6ish & I can tell he's gonna have a good night...Poor thing is dancing, awkwardly moving, kinda twitching-like to house music- I know in his head he thinks he moves like he did a decade or so ago...And well, let's just pretend he still does...Dance on love...Dance on...
So, I'm a wee bit sad I'm missing the festivities & of course my friends...I have my two girlfriends giving me play by plays- First course meal pics, speech videos, etc...ShoutOut gals- You Rock!! But of course it's not the same thing & my Pinot Grigio isn't the same sipping alone as it would be guzzled down my hatch, getting my own buzz on & dancing, mumma side-stepping, right alongside my hubs at the wedding...


 That all being said, I'm not gonna lie- A part of me was relieved that Pip had appointments come up- Not only the hassle of travelling with two small children & such but if I'm being brutally honest I was kinda scared...
You see we use to live in a very, very small town- I'm talking I couldn't go to the grocery store in under an hour because I'd run into at least a half dozen people that I had to chat with...That being said I really did love that part of it & have never in my life seen or been a part of such a close knit community...
But that's exactly why a part of me was scared- You see, the thing is where we are now I'm no one...I have to deal with the odd person coming up to me in a grocery store asking "What's wrong with her?" and giving me "pity eyes"...People are right bold & I am shocked at the amount that actually come right over & start a conversation based on Pip's eye patch or such...When she had the feeding tube it was just awful- the stares, the "poor little baby coos" and those eyes, those damn pity eyes...And these are strangers...
So going back to a little town, where everyone knew me & our story, I just didn't want to deal with the "pity stuff"...People mean well- I know they are coming from a good place- a place of concern, love, sympathy...But it still kinda hurts...It doesn't feel nice at all...
You may be reading this & thinking I'm way over the top & that this would never happen, but trust me it does...I deal with it all the time...There are some days I'm so gutted by the looks or comments from strangers, that I aimlessly wander the grocery store so upset that I come home with absolutely nothing I was suppose to...Those days we end up ordering out for dinner...{I also tend to milk this so that I don't have to cook & old Papa John's get's a call}
In my warped little head the thought of dealing with the "sorrys" & "pity eyes" from people who actually knew me, cared about me, loved me was something I guess I just wasn't ready for & maybe God/Fate whomever intervened and knew that...
I guess I was kinda a coward to not want to face it...Since moving I've kinda protected myself by being in this anonymous bubble...Letting those I choose to in & dealing with the odd stranger here & there...
This may all sound or seem very odd to you & before Pip I would have never even thought of this kinda thing- Trust me, before her I would have handled this to a person in my shoes the same way- I think it's just natural to say stuff "like I'm sorry" when something out of the "ordinary" happens...


 And maybe some special need mumma's don't mind this...But, I personally don't want people to look at me or look at my Pip and say "I'm so sorry" - Don't be sorry folks- There is a million things to be sorry for...If Pip hadn't made it during a surgery- then tell me I'm sorry...If Pip ended up blind- then tell me I'm sorry because we tried so much to give her vision- Really those are the only two things I think a sorry would be good for...
Don't be sorry Pip had a rough start...Don't be sorry Pip has Down syndrome...Don't be sorry we've been through what we have- It's our journey & we are choosing to take from it what we have...

And that's a life and a daughter who happen to be absolutely beautiful,

different,

 inspiring & ours...

And Liskey friends, I really do miss you & promise a good Old Ruby time one of these days- Happy Wedding Ricki & Sandy Jenkins- From the play by play pics it looks absolutely fantastic...