Public Park Breakdown


The past few weeks caught up to me today and I had a little cry on a park bench...What set me off, was catching the tone I had with my children. Just getting us all sun screened and out the door was a mission in itself, Noal was kinda grumpy all morning, Pip teething and miserable & me, stressed beyond... 


We put our house up for sale back in May & right when we had come to terms with it not selling in time and just sticking a crib in our bedroom for Baby #3 - Poof, an offer, and not only an offer but an offer to get out in 20 days...

If that wasn't gong-show enough, we purchased a home that I love but that I want to rip down walls & get my creative-nesty-momma-self on in - So we're looking at 6 weeks worth of renos meaning we need to move into a rental for a bit beforehand. Perfect timing with our son starting kindergarten, our daughter facing another surgery and me having another baby right?

I had planned for this summer to be full of so much more. It's the last summer before Noal goes to school, before Pip has a younger brother, before my husband becomes a dad for 3rd time. It was supposed to be full of special momma & Noal dates, moments with my little girl & taking in every kick from #3. 


I wanted it to be a summer I would look back on later in life, remembering exactly what my children were like. Because lately it feels like they are growing up immensely everyday & I'd give anything to just pause time and take it all in...


Today when I caught myself and the way & the tone I was talking to them, I was embarrassed. I gave myself a "timeout" and sat on the park bench while they played and I cried behind my sunglasses. I cried for the summer I wished we were having. I cried for the time that is passing too fast. I cried for the way I get uber short & super frustrated as a momma. I cried for the thought of how drastically our lives our going to change. I cried for the never-ending "to-do" list that seems to suffocate me at times. I cried for how utterly tired I am and all that is ahead. I cried for how I behaved & how impatient I was with them. 


Noal came over at one point, not knowing I was crying, just hugged my knees & sweetly said, "You're the best momma" and ran off to the swings...


I cried because while I'm hard on myself as a momma, they simply think I'm the best. 

4 comments:

  1. This was beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

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  2. obviously your tone didn't affect them so dry your tears and enjoy your time at the park with your kiddos :). everything will work out, it always does! :)

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  3. Meg M.1.8.15

    We are our own worst critics. So grateful your son was able to give you a hug and say something sweet at the perfect moment. You have a lot on your plate, perhaps you can top it all off with a bit of grace. I know I need to remember to give myself grace. XO

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  4. Mary Jane M2.8.15

    The fact that with all you have going on you still managed to take those beautiful children to the park and give them quality playtime full of exercise, sun and quality mommy time is opportunity to give yourself a pat on the back and let yourself know you are doing a great job. Children are forgiving, think of this as a teachable moment and know you have learned from it. The best thing about those "to do" lists are they are always there, waiting for when you as a very pregnant mom of two very active preschoolers finds the time to get at them. Advice from a mom of 4 babies with children of their own, make sure you save the least important ones for after you have done some of those fun things you want to do before Noal goes off to school. You will be making memories that will last forever and if I may quote a very important person that is already wise before his years "YOU ARE THE BEST MOMMA!!" Go get some hugs from that beautiful family and enjoy the day!

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