Breath momma, breath

My little girl started daycare today....Breath momma, breath. 

While it is hard for anyone to leave their babe in the hands of others for all the obvious reasons - For me leaving Pip is so much more - I mean besides going away for the first time last week with my husband, her and I have never been apart. 

I guess it's also the undeniable fact that while there is still issues, like her little eye contact falling out, developmental delays that come with having Down syndrome or her glasses getting broken - At the end of the day she is thriving and growing up and sometimes I still momma hen her because I remember moments when she wasn't...

Moments when she needed a feeding tube to survive. 


Moments where surgeries to fix her heart and eyes loomed over us. 


Moments when nothing else mattered in the world except holding her in my arms...So, to let her freely walk out of them caused some major momma tears this morning. 


And I know all the "it will be good for her" and "you need this time" and yada, yada, yada goodness that it all will bring. But today I choose to dwell in these tears.


Tears of letting my little girl go.


Tears of being so damn proud of her.



Tears of fear that she's going to be teased, bit, pushed or not accepted.


Tears of excitement to see the impact she has on all those around her.


Tears of peace that her big brother is there with his big, sweet heart and protective bull dog tendencies. 


Tears of acceptance that this is what is needed for our family.


Tears of thankfulness that I had 2 full years with her.


Tears of guilt because I'm a momma and that just undeniably happens. 


Tears of happiness that as soon as I put her down and let her loose in her classroom, another little girl went right up over to her and hugged Pippy hard. That little girl will never know how she helped ease a momma's heart. Because as rationally as I can be, I know this is just daycare, but I can't help get emotionally revved up imagining this all when it comes time for real school. The "will she get teased", "will Noal be there to protect her", "will she be okay" kinda thoughts swirled in and out of her today and her in a few years. So that little girl coming up and hugging her helped the swirls stay positive.


The amazing daycare director and staff sent me pictures and updates throughout the day and I think have already fallen in love with my sweet girl...Pip had a great day - A million times better than Noal's first day or any of my friend's kids days combine. She rocked it like I knew she would yet I still ate too many snickers and got emotionally-crazy-felt-the-need-to-ride-the-change-train-all-the-way and chopped off all my hair. 

I need help and more snickers.




3 comments:

  1. Anonymous20.1.15

    Elizabeth Stone wrote, “Making the decision to have a child - it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ” It will never matter if our children are 2 or 22--they will always be our babies.

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  2. Anonymous20.1.15

    She's beautiful!! Be proud of her & yourself!

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  3. Anonymous4.4.15

    I read this because I have to bring my own baby to child care for the first time soon. Thanks for writing how I'm feeling about it. Tears and all. To be a mommy is to simultaneously want them to grow up and gain independence while wanting to stop the clock to keep their baby snuggles and giggles forever.

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