Save those "pity eyes" my friends....

I'm sitting here stuffing, literally stuffing my face with this new sweet & salty popcorn a friend left from the night before & about to have my second glass of wine...Before y'all read any further, leave your judgement at the door...Remember Happy Soul Project is a "No Judging" kinda place...


 I've been single parenting for almost a week now...I got a rhythm going & things are manageable but Sweet Jesus that hour or two before bedtime is like nothing else...We all were suppose to be away for a wedding back in my Hub's hometown, however appts with specialists came up for Pip & I stayed with the hooligans...


Tonight's the wedding & my Hubs {who also happens to be the best man} is living it up...Good on him, I would be too...I got a video of him, from a friend at about 6ish & I can tell he's gonna have a good night...Poor thing is dancing, awkwardly moving, kinda twitching-like to house music- I know in his head he thinks he moves like he did a decade or so ago...And well, let's just pretend he still does...Dance on love...Dance on...


So, I'm a wee bit sad I'm missing the festivities & of course my friends...I have my two girlfriends giving me play by plays- First course meal pics, speech videos, etc...ShoutOut gals- You Rock!! But of course it's not the same thing & my Pinot Grigio isn't the same sipping alone as it would be guzzled down my hatch, getting my own buzz on & dancing, mumma side-stepping, right alongside my hubs at the wedding...


That all being said, I'm not gonna lie- A part of me was relieved that Pip had appointments come up- Not only the hassle of travelling with two small children & such but if I'm being brutally honest I was kinda scared...


You see we use to live in a very, very small town- I'm talking I couldn't go to the grocery store in under an hour because I'd run into at least a half dozen people that I had to chat with...That being said I really did love that part of it & have never in my life seen or been a part of such a close knit community...


But that's exactly why a part of me was scared- You see, the thing is where we are now I'm no one...I have to deal with the odd person coming up to me in a grocery store asking "What's wrong with her?" and giving me "pity eyes"...People are right bold & I am shocked at the amount that actually come right over & start a conversation based on Pip's eye patch or such...When she had the feeding tube it was just awful- the stares, the "poor little baby coos" and those eyes, those damn pity eyes...And these are strangers...


So going back to a little town, where everyone knew me & our story, I just didn't want to deal with the "pity stuff"...People mean well- I know they are coming from a good place- a place of concern, love, sympathy...But it still kinda hurts...It doesn't feel nice at all...


You may be reading this & thinking I'm way over the top & that this would never happen, but trust me it does...I deal with it all the time...There are some days I'm so gutted by the looks or comments from strangers, that I aimlessly wander the grocery store so upset that I come home with absolutely nothing I was suppose to...Those days we end up ordering out for dinner...{I also tend to milk this so that I don't have to cook & old Papa John's get's a call}


In my warped little head the thought of dealing with the "sorrys" & "pity eyes" from people who actually knew me, cared about me, loved me was something I guess I just wasn't ready for & maybe God/Fate whomever intervened and knew that...


I guess I was kinda a coward to not want to face it...Since moving I've kinda protected myself by being in this anonymous bubble...Letting those I choose to in & dealing with the odd stranger here & there...


This may all sound or seem very odd to you & before Pip I would have never even thought of this kinda thing- Trust me, before her I would have handled this to a person in my shoes the same way- I think it's just natural to say stuff "like I'm sorry" when something out of the "ordinary" happens...


And maybe some special need mumma's don't mind this...But, I personally don't want people to look at me or look at my Pip and say "I'm so sorry" - Don't be sorry folks- There is a million things to be sorry for...If Pip hadn't made it during a surgery- then tell me I'm sorry...If Pip ended up blind- then tell me I'm sorry because we tried so much to give her vision- Really those are the only two things I think a sorry would be good for...


Don't be sorry Pip had a rough start...Don't be sorry Pip has Down syndrome...Don't be sorry we've been through what we have- It's our journey & we are choosing to take from it what we have...



And that's a life and a daughter who happen to be absolutely beautiful,


different,


 inspiring & ours...


And Liskey friends, I really do miss you & promise a good Old Ruby time one of these days- Happy Wedding Ricki & Sandy Jenkins- From the play by play pics it looks absolutely fantastic...

6 comments:

  1. Oh she is beautiful, and I can't believe the crazy things people think they can just say to another person! Sounds like you are a fantastic mom, and I think I would be nervous to return home to such a small town too after the journey our family has taken. I just love her smile! :)

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  2. Anonymous29.9.13

    She is beautiful, as are all the children with special needs that I work with including the visually impaired children. Children are all children with their own personalities and I don't believe any parent would want others to be sorry for them, even the parents of 'blind' children. Everyone has their own journey to walk.

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  3. What a beautiful baby! Thank you for writing this.

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  4. Anonymous29.9.13

    I loved every part of your blog! Keep writing and I will continue to read :) Awesome! So where did you use to live? are you in Windsor now? Keep being an awesome mom.

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  5. Nelly1.10.13

    Hey Tara;
    After reading your blog I toyed with the idea of commenting but initially decided not to but felt moved to anyway. People will always make comments and it doesn't matter where they live. I just wanted to let you know that I think you would be very surprised with the reaction you would receive back here on the streets of NL. What you have achieved with your blog, the people you have inspired and educated is amazing. You have reached celebrity status around here. Whenever you put up a new post on your blog it's all the talk in the coffee room. Wishing you continued success on your journey.

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    Replies
    1. Ah so glad you decided to share Nelly- Thank you...Really it means a lot to me...And you're right I probably will be surprised in a positive way with the reaction back in NL...It's just been kinda nice to deal with it all in a bubble while going through it...Thanks again for the comment...

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