This time....

In exactly one week I will be sitting in a waiting room, nervously, subconsciously tapping my foot, not paying any particular attention to whatever Craig is saying, getting annoyed by whomever is in the waiting room with us & desperately longing for the surgeons to come out & tell me my Pip is okay...In this week leading up to the day, I imagine it will be a lot like the last...I won't sleep much, I'll just stare at her most of the night before the surgery, begging God/Fate/Karma to once again keep her safe, I will be antsy all week & tears somehow will fall & come out of nowhere...Until at last the surgeons take her & I collapse weeping & fall into Craig's arms...


At least based on the last eye & heart surgery experiences, this is what I am anticipating to happen...Except last time she was only 5 weeks old, and although I loved her dearly she was just a tiny newborn...


This time is different - This time she is so much more...


This time she's a daughter, who Craig looks at like no one else on the planet...



This time she's a sister, who Noal protects, snugs & gives his all to make laugh...





This time she's a niece, who is adored by her Uncle Air & Auntie Ash...A granddaughter, who is spoiled beyond belief & holds such a special, sweet spot in her grandparent's hearts...And even a great-granddaughter who made my grandpa's wish to hold her before he died come true...



This time she's a inspiration to so many people because of her ongoing strength, her sweet little spirit & her undeniable ability to light up a room with her smile...A unbelievable smile that seems to start in her toes, take over her entire body till it comes out & makes anyone happy just looking at her...

This time she's my funny little mouse who brings such joy & beauty to our family...



This time she has grown into my little Pip...



This time I have 8 more months worth of love, 8 more months worth of being in awe of such a beautiful little soul & 8 more months of having the honour of being her mum...This time I have 8 months more of her to lose...

So, this time I am scared...Right scared...



11 comments:

  1. Oh Tara! Reading your blog has made me smile, cry, worry....I have been in your shoes 4 times in the past 10 years. I had parents try to tell me that each time gets easier, but to me, it doesn't. My Abbey was 8 weeks old when she had her first heart surgery. Although I had only had her for 8 weeks, I loves her with everything I had. The night before her surgery, my husband had to make me leave her in the CVICU. I sat for hours, holding her and kissing her and praying to God that he would keep her safe. And all the time I prayed, I knew she was his child and he had trusted me to be her Mom. Abbey's last surgery was when she was 3 1/2 years old. And each time I had to endure the nurses and doctors taking her from me, my heart shattered. It doesn't get easier, because the older they get, you realize that they are really and truly a little person that has brought you such joy and happiness. Abbey will have to undergo a few more heart surgeries before she can be fixed, but I will be there for her. I will be strong for her while I am with her. I tell myself I cannot let her see me break because she understands and knows too much now. I look back and think of the times when she was younger that even though I hated to see her go through everything she was having to go through, it made it easier because SHE didn't know and understand. But now, she does....and it breaks my heart. But one thing I have learned from Abbey is that she is a very strong and determined soul that will continue to bless me and my family. Tara, I will be praying for you and your precious little girl Pip. If there is anything I can do, even if it's just to listen, I will be here.

    Lana Linitski

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    1. Ahh Lana my heart breaks for you...This is Pip's 3rd surgery & like your Abbey she has more to come- And like you I find them harder not easier to endure...Thanks for sharing & for the message...Much love...

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  2. Anonymous23.8.13

    Heartfelt thoughts and prayers being said for sweet Pip. Jill

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  3. Anonymous24.8.13

    Praying for your family and that sweet little Pip!

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  4. This is the first time I have read your blog. I am praying for you sweet Pip! I don't claim to understand what it's like for you to go through this. I am just here to pray for you and love you through it.

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  5. Anonymous27.8.13

    Beatiful little angel you will be in our prayers. Tara thanks for sharing..

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  7. Sending positive thoughts and healing prayers your way.
    She has such an amazing supportive family behind her to help her get through this.
    Your blogs are so inspirational,my daughter has been classified as having a mild intellectual disorder and I truly believe that we are blessed to be "chosen" to be their parents. I wouldn't change a thing about her.
    Thank you so much for sharing your story.

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  8. Anonymous23.4.14

    Lots & lots & lots of love from Ireland. ♥ Your little Pip makes my day so often. ♥

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  9. Anonymous23.4.14

    Thinking of you and your beautiful family and sending lots of love and positive energy!

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