Dear Sweet Pip..Time to kick some heart surgery arse...Love mum

I cant help soaking in my little family right now...Every moment... Noal giving Pip a squeeze & saying My Reeeee, Pip giving the biggest smiles yet, Deac cuddling up to us all when we're all snugging in...I'm just trying to freeze ever moment & kiss my little hooligans cause our little lives may be forever changed in the next few days...

I'm wishing with everything in me that we didnt have to go through what we are about to...I wish I could take all this away – I wish I could wake up & the next 2 weeks of my life & my families was over...I wish we didnt have to be in this scary, unknown place to begin with...

Everyone keeps  telling me it will all be better once Pip has her heart surgery....That everything will be okay- That God has her in his hands kinda thing or that shes so strong & a fighter... And I want to believe all that- I do believe all that- I think... But what if thats not the case...What if everything isnt okay? What if God or Fate or whomever has different plans- What if shes tired of being so strong & doesnt want to fight?

I can barely write this through my tears, my constant need to be touching Pip & my fear that Im jinxing it all by sharing my darkest thoughts...I am just so scared right now...I have never in my life been more fearful of losing something so damn precious to me...

Pip has only been in our lives for 4.5 mths but shes changed it so completely- Our little family NEEDS her- Shes such a core part of it now- I feel like my whole purpose in life has changed because of her...So, although I said Dear Sweet Pip was going to be letters from yall- I feel today I need to write her one myself...

So, once again friends- actually Pip heres my heart....


My Precious Baby Girl...
Listen up Buttercup- You my darling in 4.5 mths have given me more heartache & fear than any other time in my life...In the same breath you’ve given me more hope & strength than I could ever imagine having...
When you had your eye surgery at 6 weeks old, I thought that would be it- I somehow mustered up the strength to get through that with you, thinking that would be all you would have to endure...When I found out the hole in your heart then needed to be repaired & you were in heart failure, I can’t even begin to describe how devastated I was...You had already proven to me & to everyone what a sassy little fighter you were but for some reason fixing a heart just seemed so scary...
Since then we’ve been on quite the path to beef you up & make you big & strong...I’ve tried my very hardest the last 2 months to do anything & everything I could to help get us to today- I just didn’t realize it would be here so fast- I’m proud of you baby girl for putting on some pounds & defeating the odds...You amaze me with how determined you are in life...That my darling may be a trait you inherited from me- I’m a stubborn little ox according to your father...I like to think of it as a good thing...I mostly get what I want...And listen up Pip, I want you to kick this heart surgery’s bloody arse...Literally...You show those docs what a stubborn, determined, strong little mouse you are...
I need you Pip, now more than ever- You’ve changed my world, my heart & our little family...We aren’t complete without you now...
Your big brother loves you so much & really missed you when you were in the hospital before- So, he’s wanting you to get better & home soon so he can play with you again...He’s been trying to wear an eye patch so he can be “like Reee”...He loves you & is already so protective of you...When we pick him up from daycare & other little kids gather around you, he proudly tells them that’s “my Reeee”& protectively puts his arms around you...
Now, your dad, he’s a softy- always has been when it comes to me & Noal...But, you sweet Reid have somehow gotten so deep in his heart- He's mesmerized by you...He loves you so much & is in awe of your strength...You have one proud papa there baby girl...He’s just as scared as I am but he literally is my rock & I’m  certain I couldn’t have done any of this without him by my side...The way he looks at you Pip, ahh just gets me every time...So much love...You are so his baby girl...
So, here we are Reid Layne- tomorrow we go to  CHEO & the next day you have heart surgery...I will be right beside you the entire time...I will anxiously be waiting to hold you, sing to you, tell you I love you & get on with being your mumma...
Be strong my darling one more time...Okay? I need you to- For me – For Daddy- For Noal & even for Deac...Not to mention the thousands of people you inspire- Let’s show them how truly strong you are...
I love you so very, very much...Don't be scared- You got this- And we'll be right there when you wake up...Be prepared for days of  snugs & kisses, cause you're getting them....
Love mum 

So, friends there you have it...I'm scared beyond belief just hoping/praying all goes well...Thank you for all your thoughts/messages/calls & please, please think of Pip on Thursday....Also just a reminder that Dear Sweet Pip is open to anyone who wants to write her a letter- If shes inspired you or made you look at life a wee bit differently- Feel free to let her know- these letters are for her & one day will be such a precious treasure to have...

15 comments:

  1. You have such a sweet family. Praying that surgery and recovery goes well for Reid. Hugs to you all!

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  2. My Thoughts and Prayers are with you Reid. Reading your Momma's post seems to me you are a fighter. So Kick some BUTT Little Girl !! <3

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  3. I know your state of mind and of heart....Our little one had open heart @ 6 months...She is now 7 and will be having open heart again in two months....Sending good thoughts and prayers for your little sweetie!

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  4. the takeshimas.30.4.13

    So strong like your mom ... before you know it you will be cracking people up with your jokes and happy spirit ... you got this give your mom some of your incredible strength you are constantly in our families thoughts and prayers you will def kick this heart surgery s butt!!!

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  5. Anonymous30.4.13

    May God be with you during the surgery and throughout the healing.May he keep your family and their love strong.God Bless you all! From the heart...Lu

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  6. Anonymous30.4.13

    one day at a time.....one moment at a time.....thank you for sharing.
    I will keep you in my prayes

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  7. Anonymous30.4.13

    Keeping you in our thoughts and prayers

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  8. Anonymous30.4.13

    Always in my thoughts and prayers. You can do it little Pip! Everyone is cheering you on. Fight a tough battle and be strong sweet baby. Hang in there mumma and daddy. Jill

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  9. Anonymous30.4.13

    Your mother has written one of the most amazing letters I've ever read. Thoughts and prayers are with you and your family! You will get through this!

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  10. My son was on several heart meds before his AV canal repair.He threw up all the time-i fed him 4 tsp of formula every hour around the clock, because he couldn't keep more than that down at a time. He was weak and sick a lot.I was scared pea green;-/ before his surgery,but he did well. He was off of all of his heart meds 6 weeks after surgery and has done very well since. His heart surgery truly changed his quality of life for the better.
    His surgery was one of the scariest things that I have ever gone through, but it helped me to know that God loved my son even more than I did.
    May 13th will the 14th anniversary of his repair.

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  11. Hang in there Mama Bear! It is okay to be scary and well, even petrified. Reid is a rockstar and so many of us are cheering for her. Prayers for Reid, you, your family, and of course the medical staff. Keep us posted when possible.

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  12. Tara...your love is contagious and it is sent back ten fold from all who love you. They will be with all of you in spirit in Ottawa. Take care. Love Lorna and Rob

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  13. Anonymous1.5.13

    I have been down this road, thought the same thoughts, wished the same wishes, cried the same tears, felt the same fears. My thoughts and prayers are with your sweet little girl. Our son is a healthy 20 year old man now. Miracles happen every day, I will be praying little Reid gets hers!

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  14. Anonymous2.5.13

    Thinking of you and your family today as you face what no mother or family should face.....

    If God decides that she was only meant to be with you for these past 4.5 months... remember how much joy she brought in to your life. How much hope and strength and what she taught you about yourself.

    Sending out as much love as I can for you.

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  15. Anonymous2.5.13

    I am always thinking of you and your little family. Especially those cute little bundles of joy you and craig have made. Your little girl seems so strong, i will praying for her. xoxo

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