In a few hours I will be completely trusting Fate, God & doctors hands...It hit me hard for some reason when I was rocking Noal before putting him to sleep...I absolutely love putting my little mouse to bed- He seems like such a baby when I’m rocking & singing softly to him...Tonight, I held him really tight & an extra long time & I thought back to that first night Reid was born...They had to move us to the Pediatric floor at the hospital because the OB floor was full- I remember hearing a little boy crying for his mum sounding just like Noal...He just kept calling out, over & over for his mummy...I was shattered for both the mum having to hear her little guy in such pain & for him having to face whatever was making him scared or hurt at such a young age...As I held Noal & thought back to that night, I realized that now a month later I am in that mum’s shoes...Scared, helpless, wishing I could take the pain of it all away- I am grateful Reid can’t call out for me or really understand what is happening at this point & that she is so young that the recovery & treatment after the surgery will just become a part of her life & routine.
today Noal was at daycare so I literally held Reid all day- Looking at her,
trying to burn her beautiful eyes in my memory before they change, & feeling
oh so worried...
But it wasn’t until I was holding Noal & remembering that
other little boy’s cries that I had to cry myself...Weird what hits you...Not
sure how much I will sleep tonight, will probably spend the night staring at Reid...