"Doctors & Astronauts"

It started last night, when I rocked her to bed. When I whispered, "I love you sweet girl" and she "whispered" a bumble of words I take as "love you too".

It was there as we took one last twirl, the last dance if you will, for the day & she continually signed for "more".

And then today, picking out the perfect dress, braiding her hair & finding sandals that would stay on her bloody-Houdini-feet.

It stuck around as I watched her hug her brother with 110% effort & then quickly kiss me to bugger off & play as I dropped her off at daycare.
This strong feeling of overwhelmingly pride & sense of fear in learning to let go, consumed me - Such a mix bag of emotions having my sweet Pippy Layne graduate Preschool/Daycare today...
We sat at the very back of the room, cause I was on the later side arriving. Shocker!!! The Director started talking about how these little 3 and 4 year old's are the next generation of "Doctors & Astronauts" and if I'm being honest, I kinda twinged a wee bit inside. Maybe Pip, like she always does, will surpass all my expectations, but a part of me kinda knows those professions, just ain't in the cards. Before, I could dwell too deeply, the graduates entered the room. And Eagle Eyes spotted her momma.
And then pretty much game over. The songs she learned with her class, not a chance. Practicing walking up to get her diploma, good try. Watching the adorable slideshow, forget about it.
She wanted nothing to do with anything, except me.
For awhile, I had to bend down at the front of the room with her in my lap and I thought my dress was literally gonna split open, which would have been just super.
Point is, today isn't at all what I hoped. I pictured her smiling and goofing off, waving proudly and loudly to us, showing off the songs she's been working on with her class. Instead she was shy, clingy, in a bit of a mood & refused to let me put her down.
Today I had planned to learn to let go, but turns out, that's not what Pip needed. And I'm okay with that...
I figure we've come this far together, me & her. So, maybe it was fitting to walk today hand in hand, knowing all that we've been through. Maybe before we open the door to what's next, we needed to close this one together.
And don't y'all worry, I explained everything to her. I mean, who needs to go outta space, when you're leaving a significant footprint on this very planet.

The Short Bus...

Dear Mariah in Grade 5, "actually a Grade 5/6 split class", who wants to be an "artist & writer like me". Who has been "talking to Noal" & can't wait to see Pip next year - "I mean I can't wait it's like when you order something amazing but it takes a long time to get here." 

Your sweet, little letter & handmade presents made my day. Noal & Pip were like you predicted, "happy to get mail". Thank you for making Noal feel so special on the bus & for being so excited for my little girl to start Kindergarten. What you did was really, really thoughtful.

But you will never understand the perfect timing & way it kinda eased a momma's heart. You see Mariah who believes, "What makes you different is what makes you beautiful", not everyone does. 

And my momma heart was kinda sad & stressed about that lately. 

Pip as cute as she is & as confident as she is, is still just my little girl. And some people don't see the world & the beauty it holds as clearly as you do. Some people don't see Pip for who she is but instead for the differences she has. 

A few weeks ago Mariah, I had a meeting with your school. And while it made me feel happy knowing how much the teachers there care, how much they will look after her and keep her safe - It also brought up issues that made it blatantly apparent that my little girl is different and has different needs. 

Take the bus for example - You so kindly offered to look after Pip, to "sit with her and keep her safe". And I so wish, I could take you up on that offer Mariah - But this is one of those times that sometimes makes me a little bit sad. You see, Pip will have to take a different bus. A bus that is guaranteed to keep her safe. One that has seat belts and less people. It's a smaller bus, some might call it the "short bus". 

The "short bus" Mariah is what makes me sorta sad. I'm sad in this scenario that Pip has to be "different" - I'm sad she doesn't comprehend bus safety yet. I'm sad she is too little to climb the big stairs on your bus. I'm sad no one can guarantee that my son can go on the bus with her until closer to September. I'm sad she won't get to wait at the bus stop and meet cool, girls in the older grades like you. And if I'm being 100% honest I'm sad because the term "short bus" holds such a stigma & I'm scared other kids will tease her. 

But the really amazing thing is, I'll only be sad for a wee bit. That's the magical part about Pip. Sometimes you feel sad about a scenario for a second or two, but then Pip surprises you with how awesome she really can be. And you realize there was nothing to be sad or worried about in the first place. 

And your letter Mariah, believe it or not, held a bit of magic to it too. 

So thank you...

Love Pip's momma