Letters to Noal

June 2011,

My Noal....

I’ve decided my darling son to start this book as letters to you about moments in your life, milestones in your journey and a gift to always remember me and the love I feel for you....It’s a way to know me and your dad when you were born and throughout your life and also a way for you to remember your life though our eyes...I've thought about the fact that you will get to look back and read all this one day, and I’m happy you will get to, learn about what your dad and I were like when we were young, and enjoy so many stories and photos. I wish you could know who we are today- on the verge of being parents filled with hope and excitement...I wish you could know us as teenagers and in our 20’s when we fell in love..I want you to know who we were, our story and maybe this is my chance to give you that...through these letters...

Your coming soon and your dad and I are just over the moon....Can’t believe you are finally going to be here...I loved  seeing you in ultrasounds, hearing your heartbeat and feeling you move but even more so I’m excited to meet you..On a sidenote you are huge and in turn I am huge....



I lay awake at night wondering who you will be, what you’ll look like and pray, hope you’re a happy, healthy little boy...I'm trying to really take in all of these last moments before you get here, because I know nothing will ever be the same...
I know you will change things and change me...You will change everything, for the better... You already have ...I want so much for you Noal- and I’m so excited to teach you about life...I want you to be kind and love everyone no matter what...I want “no judging” my favourite saying to truly be who you are...I want you to have an open heart and open mind....I want you to be creative and embrace life and remember your childhood  with happiness...I want you above all to feel loved, cherished and know that me and your dad are always here for you....there’s so much I want for you my dear son...And so much we will do together...I can’t wait for this next part of our lives...

I love you sweet boy, and I cannot wait to meet you...


Get here soon...
Love Mum

~To read other letters please read on~












Sept 27th, 2011

My Precious Son Noal,
You are two months old and I have never known a love like this~ My heart is just overjoyed and I love you beyond anything I have ever loved...Don’t get me wrong I love your dad so very much, but the love I feel for you is so different....
As I write this you are sleeping on my lap....Your sooo chubby {you’ve doubled your birth weight and boy do you love to eat} and you grunt a lot in your sleep...Very much like your daddy...You’re seriously the sweetest, most adorable baby I’ve ever seen... I know me and your dad are biased but everyone I meet comments on how cute you are. You have the chubbiest cheeks, your dad’’s blue eyes, my button nose, a birthmark on your right hand, big lips and fair blond hair...Noal your seriously so cute- I stare at you all the time- Just amazed that your mine...

Your dad and I wanted you for a very long time and then when I was pregnant with you we were scared we were going to lose you...I was on bed rest for close to a month and one thing you’ll learn about your mum is I go stir crazy- I think I have adult ADD-attention deficit disorder-Well at least your dad tells me I do...And you may find when I write it’s all over the place...So maybe that’s the ADD coming out- I think, talk and write all scattered- it’s just how I am...So back to the bed rest, let’s just say it wasn’t my favourite thing in the world but dear son I would have done years on bed rest for you...I would have done anything...I loved being pregnant with you and feeling you move...You moved lots at night and didn’t let me sleep much- You still don’t- But all worth it my love...

You dad as I jokingly and lovingly call Mr. Safety was so protective of me and you while I was pregnant-He read all the baby books, researched what I could and couldn’t eat, made us healthy meals, took a first aid course and whenever he was out he constantly called to check on us...When you decided to come out 3 ½ weeks early your dad was sooo nervous and cute.
You are the most amazing gift in the world and its indescribable how it made me feel to bring you into this world. I won’t go into too much detail but let’s just note that 21 hours of labour- back labour to boot-4 hours of pushing because you stubbornly had your little hand up over your head- You still sleep like that now and everyone thinks it’s so cute, it is but it also caused me a lot of grief...So during that 21 hours your nervous dad was so worried and wanted to help- During the truly awful contractions your dad would try and tell me a story about our life together to distract me- So I’d be trying to get through a contraction and your dad would be holding my hand telling me a story about our days in Ireland- It helped in its own special way. He would get me ice and apple juice and during the pushing he wanted to help so the nurses let him count- The thing was he was so nervous and excited he couldn’t count on pace like they wanted him too, he’d speed up the numbers or just miss numbers completely... The nurses had to coach him through it a time or two...The moment you finally made your entrance I felt like an out of body experience- I was so happy you were there, alive, healthy and perfect- But in the excitement, physical pain and exhaustion I fainted and then your dad got really scared...

In the end we were both fine and those first few hours with you were ones I will never forget...Just finally holding you and sharing that precious time with just me, you and your dad...The couple days in the hospital were filled with friends and family visiting and meeting you but the moments when it was just us 3, is what I will remember...Your dad and I stared at you for hours and would look at each other with tear filled eyes in awe...In those moments I loved your dad more than ever before and I’m so happy he’s ours...

Anyways, through all the pain and scares you my darling son came out shining....Now at 2 months you are so strong, you try and stand all the time, you hold your head up and you smile and interact with anyone who holds you...I guess having us as parents you were destined to be a chatterbox...Your dad is known as a big social butterfly and I will talk to anyone about anything....It's not uncommon for your dad to yell across the room when we are with people, "Enough Barbara"...He thinks I'm like Barbara Walters and asking too many inquisitive questions, but I can't help it I'm really curious...If you turn out to be a shy little thing it will throw us both for a loop- But from the looks of things you're a social, chatty little thing..
You're also sooo cuddly and I love that- you sleep in your bassinet but by mid-morning your sleeping in my arms. I just can’t get enough of your cuddles- You also like to be held upright and cuddle your face into my neck and usually fall asleep like that...Again you didn’t really have a choice, your dad and I are big cuddlers...Nothing better than a proper cuddle son....
You and I sleep together with your puppy Deacon in the spare bedroom so your dad gets some sleep for work- You definitely don’t sleep through the night- You’re up every 3 hours at least to eat and you let the world know when you’re hungry... For the most part you’re a happy little thing except when you’re hungry and gassy- And you fart more than any baby I’ve ever seen- that’s your dad in you...I’ll go to a mom’s group and all the babies are so small and quiet and there you are so chunky and you fart so bloody loud the entire time...I seriously don’t know sometimes when were hanging out at home if it’s you or your dad...
You have the best dog in the world....Deacon...Your dad and I got him the year before we got married and he is the most precious thing- When I was pregnant with you, Deacon use to curl up on my belly as if he knew you were in there....When we first brought you home, Deacon was curious to meet you and now is so protective of you. When your dad isn’t home, Deacon thinks he’s the man of the house and barks at any noise to protect us- He also kisses you now when we first come home. I can say “Deacon, where’s your baby?” and he’ll run over to you and give you a kiss. I can’t wait to see you and him play when you get bigger...

And you get bigger everyday...I’ve had to put away some of the clothes you don’t fit in anymore...It made me a bit sad...time is just flying by Love....these 8 weeks with you have flown by and I wish there was a way to pause it all...I didn’t think I’d be such a sappy mum but I’m going to warn you now, I so am...
In 8 weeks you and I have already had some adventures....We visit my friends and their babies a few times a week, we go visit your dad at work and he is so proud to show you off and all the ladies adore you, we go to my work and I can’t get you out of there as everyone wants to see or hold you...A few days ago I got you all ready and we drove an hour to my work’s sub-office for what I thought was going to be a big 60th anniversary party so you could meet everyone...We got there and you were good for that hour drive and I found out it was the next day- Bloody hell...I’m just so tired and all the days blur into one another- On the way home you screamed for 45 min straight....good times..

We also just made your first trip to Windsor where I grew up...That was a 10 hour drive and for the most part you were a doll...You got to visit with your Grandma and Gramps who love you more than I think they possible love me...They adore you Noal and are so happy to be grandparents-When we told them we were pregnant your Grandma after crying and hugging us left and came back with clothes, teddy bears, Halloween costumes, etc...She had a whole closet waiting for you.....In Windsor you also got to meet your Uncle Air who was quite cute with you, and my absolutely favourite Aunt and Uncle flew in from Calgary....You had a lot of loving that week and you smiled lots when we were there...You were also a really good boy in all the restaurants we went to- and let me tell you we went to lots...You see son, where we live now, in your dad’s hometown there is about 3 restaurants and your momma loves her food- So when we go anywhere else we eat, eat, eat.....Anyways, I loved showing you off to my family and friends...
Also, while we were in Windsor we went to my cousin Julie’s wedding and you were my date...We slow danced and you were just the cutest thing ever...so special....
Everything you do my love is special..I'm sure every parent feels this way and your dad tells me I'm over the top...I think your the cutest, smartest, strongest baby around...He'll show me a picture of a baby in a magazine and I'll shake my head and say that baby's got nothing on Noal...
Everyday your dad and I are amazed as we watch you grow...The first few weeks you were here your dad and I just kept looking at you and then at each other crying because we couldn’t believe how blessed we were to have made you and that you were finally here to be in our lives....I love you Noal more than I’ve ever loved anything...
You’re truly my heart...

Love Mum
~To read other letters please read on~



Sept 29, 2011
My Chunky Monkey...
So you are now 2 mths old- These last few weeks have gone by faster than any I have ever known...You mostly sleep, eat and hangout with me...
We had your two month check up at the docs today...Right on our way out you decide to have an explosion- of course you would on the only day we actually have to be somewhere on time...But no worries, you will find in life that I am not the most punctual person~ It drives your dad crazy...




So I tried to put on this adorable hat your dad and I bought on our honeymoon...We went to Amsterdam and Prague and you were just a dream, a talk over wine at a little restaurant on the Danube River, a hope that one day we’d get the family we both longed for...How could I possible know back then how very much happiness, ecstatic joy, and meaning you would bring to my life...

You are only 2 months but your dad and I constantly look at each other and ask, "what did we ever do before you?" Funny, how life changes...So beautiful really...
Noal, so you know a bit of history...Your dad and I loved each other right from the beginning ~ It was just us, real and honest straight away...He likes to think we fell in love at first sight...But I beg to differ...You see your dad met me while I was sporting a gigantic bumble bee costume and although I was charming it probably wasn’t my best moment...He will tell you the story one day I’m sure...Your dad told me he loved me by our second date and although I wouldn’t recommend that per say in all relationships, I truly believed him and although I don’t like to admit it to him and didn’t say it back to him on our second date- I knew I loved him just the same...I adored him from the start and still do- Even more now... Adding you to our lives has made me fall even more in love with your dad than I can even possible try to put in words- Watching him with you slays me...


I remember the little shop close to Wenceslas Square in Prague where your dad and I saw this adorable hat- I also remember being so incredibly happy and buying this little hat in hopes of you seemed so special at the time...Little did I know you’d be the chubbiest baby around and have a gigantic head... You my little Chunks, have doubled your weight and you’re only 2 months old...You’re in the 95th percentile and the doctor can’t believe you’re only breastfed...Guess we got a good thing going little buddy...I have eaten ice-cream every day since you’ve been born- I wonder if that helps? I like to tell myself so...

You also got your 2 mth old shots today- One in each thigh...You cried pretty hard and I felt bad for you and realized that I am so not looking forward to seeing you hurt or in any kind of pain in life...But I also must be honest- some might tell you in life that I’m not the greatest with shots...I’m a big fainter~ I go down big time when needles are involved- But, surprisingly when I was pregnant with you, I was a rockstar and didn’t faint once giving blood, just ended things with a big faint when you were born...
Growing up having to get shots or give blood I’d bust out in a full blown “tantie” {that’s what your dad and I call tantrums}. I remember as a little girl getting held down by the doctor and nurses...Growing up in high school I would pass out and once I was so worked up the nurse just signed my immunization card but I didn’t really get the shot- Not sure what immunization that one was...But pregnant with you really helped my fear and I felt like I could do anything in the world if it meant protecting you...Really Noal, I would have faced or done anything to keep you safe...And I guess that’s what you feel like becoming a mum-I imagine if you’re every sick or in pain that I will now wish I could take it all for you...Not sure how I’m going to cope with this one son- I guess that’s where your wonderful, strong, rational dad comes in...He will be there to hold both our hands...We are lucky like that...

So your dad left for a weekend with his friends in Montreal...So for the first time it's just you, me and Deacon...Sounds like a perfect little weekend to me~ I love just hanging out with you...Nothing else in the world I'd rather be doing at this exact moment to be honest...
I love you son...

Love Mum



~To read other letters please read on~




Oct 1, 2011
My Baby...
Of course, you decided to get your first fever alone with me while your dad’s in Montreal...Your really fussy and sleeping a lot...God, my heart goes through so much with you- if feels like it’s never felt before...I can't imagine how I'd handle if you were ever seriously sick...Sending my prayers up now that I'll never have to face that battle...

Hope you get better soon my love...
Love Mum


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Oct 31, 2011
My Smiley Little Monkey,
Your killing me lately...Your just so bloody cute and you smile all the time now and laugh at everything I do...You laugh the most when I make funny noises, change your diaper and tell you “you stink” or when I ask if you want a kitkat...For some reason you laughed oneday when I was eating a kitkat so now whenever I ask you if you want one you laugh- Its so cute my darling...You also laugh really hard when your dad or I use an accents- You particularly love an asian one...
You’ve started to sleep longer- thank Sweet Jesus- you go 4-5 hours now which helps me...After your early morning feeding you cuddle in bed with me till we wake up around 9 or 10...it’s some of my favourite moments..You fit in my arms perfectly and I’m trying to take in all in and cherish every second...it’s going by so very fast...Next week you’ll be 3 mths old..

Your puppy Deac cuddles with you more now and you laugh/smile when he kisses you...Your dad & Deac really want you to grow up so they can play with you..Deac has started to bring you his ball & looks so confused when you won't throw it back- You are starting to pick it up and play with it but he wants more...And your dad can't wait to really play with you, but I feel like I would give anything to pause life & stay in this moment for awhile...Everyday your changing and I’m loving being home with you and seeing it...I love you so much Bubba...

So, you also celebrated your first Halloween and as mentioned before we had Halloween costumes from Grandma before you were even born....So you were a spider, the cutest spider I’ve ever seen and a lady bug...

Grandma didn’t know if you were a boy or girl so she went with both...I brought you around to see your other Grandma, your dad’s mom- who we call G and your great grandma Buzz....
You were adorable as both and I can't wait till you can collect some candy...I get any snickers you get- called it now & it's in writing....
I love you sunshine.
Love Mum

~To read other letters please read on~



Nov 26-2011,

Chunks,
You just might be the very best thing God ever truly created- I simply adore you...tomorrow you are 4mths and the time has absolutely flown...Feels like just last week you were born. I’m trying to take it all in- to enjoy and cherish every moment...God, they are already so precious to me...

Your little smile when you first wake up in the morning beside me...Your giggle-you really get going these days and laugh pretty hard...I could cuddle/hold you all day...Who am I kidding- I do hold you all day and just my luck your 21 pds. Your sooo chunky- everyone says something about your adorable chunky cheeks- When you smile it takes over your whole face...

We go to a mom and baby yoga class and most of the babies are tiny, quiet little girls- And then there’s you...Chunk-a-hoy who gets so hot I have to take your pants off, you also fart loudly in the class and you never stop giggling...You kill me...Your such a happy baby- I wonder if you’re going to be the class clown when you go to school.

You try and talk all the time too- Always telling us stories and laughing at your dad and I...Your dad is a rock star and is getting honoured at work so we are all heading down to Toronto for a few days- I can’t wait to have a few days in the city as a family- Our little family is so perfect- so real- so amazing- We are lucky to have each other..I love you Chunks...

Love Mum

P.S- Toronto was amazing...You went swimming for the first time & loved it!!! We ate at lovely restaurants, went shopping & stayed at a really fancy hotel...I took you on the subway in Toronto by myself to visit my friend Matt- your GG {Gay Godfather}...I forgot  that in the morning I smuggled 6 little fancy jars of honey from the hotel and put them in your stroller...Serves me right, but as I was struggling to get you and the stroller down the stairs at the Subway station, the stroller crashed down the stairs and out came the jars of honey breaking everywhere...just awesome...Not sure how city mums do it...Anyways, my love I had so much fun on our little city get-away...thanks for being a doll...Everyone, everywhere thought you were so cute...I must say your the cutest baby boy I know...



So happy your mine...
Love you,
Mum



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Christmas 2011
Bubba,
This Christmas was the best of my life, because of you...You are one loved & spoiled little boy...You sat on my lap and we opened all the wonderful gifts you received from so many generous people...
Your Gramps, Grandma & Uncle Air drove up here to celebrate and see you...You made them laugh a lot...They couldn't believe how big you've gotten and how you interact with people now...We had quite the celebration- Your Gramps even dressed up in a Santa suit and Deac & Uncle Air's dog were his little dressed up elves...

Then we celebrated Christmas at your G's...Your Auntie Ash was home too and she just thinks your the cutest thing...I know your dad & I are biased with your cuteness but really everyone in the family thinks it too...
So you also had another round of shots and I hated seeing you cry like that...I didn’t know I could feel so much, so deeply for another human...I mean your dad is my heart but you my dear are my everything...God, I love you so very much...Your changing so much daily..You“talk”, smile and laugh all the time...Your such a happy little soul...I love that about you...I hope you stay a happy soul your whole life...And I guess that’s your dad and my goal to raise you that way...
You’re so chunky Noal...it’s oh so cute though...We call you Chunks, Bubba and recently Chowder...Your dad says it with a southern twang and it makes you laugh...You also eat your fist, fingers and anything you can get your little paws on...You also fell in love with your jolly jumper..You jump and kick your heels together like a little leprechaun- must be the Irish in ya....you also like watching tv and playing- You’ll sit with me and your dad and watch shows or play...We like hanging out with you so I don’t put you to bed till I go- figure we’ll get on some kind of routine closer to when I have to go back to work- Right now we are both just going with the flow and its relaxing, calm and we both seem happy so that’s what works for us....I don’t like thinking about when I have to go back to work- I just love spending every moment with you- every morning I kiss you and thank God we have another day together...
I love you son ~Happy Christmas my love...
Love Mum
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Feb 14, 2012
My Darling...








I can’t believe you are 6mths old....I love you more each day and your smile does something to me I can’t even describe...You are the funniest, happiest baby I’ve ever seen...You laugh all the time...The other day I caught you “talking” to Deacon and then you’d start laughing, hard, at yourself...

You tell me and your dad stories all the time now- My favourite moments are right before bed- You, me, your dad and Deac all cuddle up in bed and you “talk” to us and tell us about your day- You also cuddle right beside Deac now...It’s the cutest thing- He is by far the best dog ever- You pinch and grab at things now including his skin and he just looks at me and takes it...God bless him....You’re lucky to have such a great puppy and I hope he’s around for a long time to grow up with....
You got your first tooth a few days ago- It was hurting you big time and you were an irritable little thing...Your dad and I call you Noalene and sing it to the song Jolene when you are a grumpy little fusspot...Doesn’t happen too often but this teething thing seems to get you down...

You still sleep with me and your dad is starting to complain- He wants you in your crib and I know you gotta go but I can’t give up these moments...I keep thinking you’re only going to be this small once in life and every night & morning I lay there and just take it in...Your little face nuzzled against me, how you sigh happily and your funny smile first thing in the morning when you wake up...You kill me Noal...After we change you in the morning we look at the painting Gramps made you and pick out certain animals and make the noises this always makes you giggle...Your dad comes home for lunch every day and when you see him you get really excited- You kick your legs and flap your arms now when you’re excited...it’s so cute and it makes your dad feel like a million bucks....He loves you so very much Noal- He’s not one to write it down that’s more my thing– but he absolutely adores you- sometimes when he’s watching you I peak in and see him just starring at you with tears in his eyes...he’s going to be that proud dad who would do anything for you...Just so you know he’s also going to be that cool dad- well, thinks he’s a cool dad and you’re going to be utterly embarrassed by him...He listens to electronic music- back in our 20s is was cool- How your dad danced is even partly how he got me...But, now it’s not so cool and when you’re a teenager it’s just going to be wrong..But, he loves it so we’re going to have to let him have it... Your Dad and I have always had an amazing relationship, but since you've come along I feel like my love for him only grows and grows...Watching him with you makes me fall in love with him more and more everyday...He's such a good day but then I always knew he would be...

Your sitting up now too which makes playing so much fun...You love this car toy thing and anything you can possible stick in your mouth...The jolly jumper is still your fav and we will ask you if you want to jump, or you’ll see it  and you get all excited...You laugh and talk away in that thing...you “jump” even when I’m holding you now...I’m trying to convince Mr. Safety that we’ll need a trampoline at some point...figure if I go after it now by the time you’re old enough he’ll of given in...

I love you to the moon and back son...
Love Mum


~To read other letters please read on~

Feb 20th, 2012
Love,
You got your second tooth!!! That was fast...Your smile I didn’t think could get any cuter but Sweet Jesus, it slays me...You now have these two little bottom teeth and are starting to look like such a big boy...Watching you change every day is just awing...is that a word? I’m just in awe of you and the pure joy these last almost 7 months have brought me...You’ve changed my world forever Noal...what a powerful thing to do and be in someone’s life...Did I do that to my parents? Your grandparents? I know you won’t actually remember these first few years...So, this is my way of remembering for the both of us~ well, actually your Dad too...His memory isn’t what it use to be...
Love you Chunks...
Love Mum
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March 5th, 2012

Noalene,
You’ve had a few fussy days...You haven’t been your calm, chilled, happy little self...So I get a glimpsh today and realize you now have 2 more teeth on the top...not your middle ones though...Your outside front ones- So, you’re going to have a somewhat Irish look...go figure...Loving you...cranky & all...You actually get really snuggly when you’re cranky so I don’t mind it so much...Love a good snuggle with you...We actually sleep nose to nose..It’s like we were meant to fit together...

Waking up beside you these last few months have been moments that will stay with me for life... Your dad asked me the other day what some of my favourite moments so far with you have been...And without a doubt waking up to your joyful little face has been one...We sleep in...you usually wake up before me at around 9:30ish and open your eyes and start to softly chat- You’re a big chatter...Sometimes our little living room is so loud with the 3 of us talking...Your dad and I will be having a chat and you feel you need to get in on it- But, you talk so loud to try and over power us...It’s quite funny...Okay, so once I hear ya I’m awake but I pretend to stay sleeping just to watch what you’ll do next...You’ll kick up the soft cooing talk to a louder, more excited almost joyous rant...Like you’ve excited for the day and trying to wake me up...Kills me...You’ll do that for a few minutes and then you step it up a notch, you’re really a smart little bugger, you know if you get Deac’s attention it will help me get up...So, you start to kick your little legs and rub your nose against my cheek...And this is Deac’s sign from you to get on up and wake mum up...You are doing this all while intently watching my face so that as soon as you see my eyes flicker open your gigantic cheeks are bursting in their full-faced, now with little teeth, joyful grin..This moment slays me everyday...I smile back and say “Morning Love” and rub noses and you cuddle me in for a moment or two...Then, I usually break the moment with a hello to Deac and then a tickle for you and you giggle and we play wrestle for a moment...Then, I hold you sitting up against the pillows and we talk and pet Deac and talk about what were going to do that day...Then, we go to your room, which I know I have to start using soon- you’ve never slept in your crib one night...I haven’t even tried- I have loved these moments I just described more than anything and I just want to hold on to them as long as I can...But soon...If I must...
So in your room I change your bum which oddly enough you don’t mind- you’ve never really cried over a bum change, you might even like it...I on the other hand am starting to not...You just started eating food, the first few days was hilarious...You are such a drama queen...
The faces, fake coughs and fist banging you performed were really quite cute and made us laugh...You make a face after each spoonful and then press your lips together super tight so i can’t put the spoon in and just when I think I got a bit in you blow your lips together spraying me and everything else with sweet potato....Deac has become a seagull just lurking around the highchair...Anyways not a fan of your bum changes now as it has changed since you started eating food...Sweet Jesus, you are stinky child...
But I love you to the moon anyways....
Love Mum

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March 19th, 2012
My Irish boy...
You look like a drunken Irish lad- you have 6 teeth now- 2 on the bottom that are completely out & 4 on the top- Your constantly sucking on your upper lip I guess to ease some of the teething pain but it makes you look like a drunken Irish lad...
You’re in pain, cranky and the makers of Advil should make a bigger infant bottle...
Love you bum...
Love Mum


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April 10th, 2012
My heart,
Today is my 31st birthday...Last year I was pregnant with you and couldn’t wait to meet you...This year you shared in my day and I couldn’t be happier...
Today also was a time for me to reflect about how much you’ve changed me... You've made me more open-minded, less selfish, more patient, and taught me to truly cherish moments in life and to know that what really matters is this...Our life...Our little family... You make me want to be a better person and mum....I’m trying to teach you to have a happy soul and to try and spread that happiness wherever you go. I smile more, I take it all in more, I try to relax and enjoy the small things. I want to be a good Mum to you...I want to be an amazing Mum to you...I want to teach you what makes a beautiful person....Bear with me son as I learn to be that person...Hanging out with you all day everyday and all night every night has been so life changing...You’ve already brought my patience to a whole new level- I am way more chilled and calm because of you...All that matters is you now...And your dad...And Deac..


You don't know this yet, but your mum is a thinker. .I lay in bed at night and ponder about things...Mostly now I worry about the ticking clock...I am jealous of those moms that get to stay home indefinitely with their babes...But, our situation won’t allow that- It’s like every day I feel that clock ticking and I know I am one day closer to leaving you and going back to work...It kills me- what I would give to stay and watch you grow...So, because of that I am  trying to memorize and take in every moment with you... I’m doing this together with you at our own pace...No rules or routine...Just what works for me and you each day...I let you nap in my arms for the longest time even  if they go numb just because I want to have that time with you...I’m trying to focus and remember every little bit...I’m trying to take mental pictures and remember how you fit in the space between my neck and chest when we cuddle, and how your little smirk grew into this beautiful smile... As you grow up now, it’s all happening so fast and I am so grateful that I always took it in and remembered to go slow....I constantly feel myself almost being sad at how fast your growing up but then in the same emotion feeling happy and excited to see who you’ll become...I miss newborn and baby Noal but each day you’re teaching me to live in the now...so for that I’m grateful...

I’m lucky to be your mum...You’re the absolutely best gift I have ever had...
Love Mum...


~To read other letters please read on~







April 19th, 2012
Bubba,
So today my girlfriend’s threw me a “moms” birthday party & it was brilliant- great friends, lots of laughs & bacon dip...


You’ll come to realize your mumma loves dips, sauces and would share appetizers over a meal any chance I can get...Your dad however only humours me & splits appies with me on the rare occasion- Maybe you can be my app guy?

Anyways, while everyone was enjoying the party you hungry, chunky boy bit the head off a toy turtle...Nice Bubs- real nice...

You make me laugh everyday...How special...
Love Mum




~To read other letters please read on~


April 23rd,  2012

My Mumma's Boy....
There is no doubt you are a Mumma's boy...Whenever you're grumpy, tired, or need a cuddle I'm your go to...


But when it comes to making you laugh your dad is the man...The things he does to get a giggle makes me happy in my heart...He is so silly & fun- He is going to be such a great dad...I really picked a good one if I do say so myself...

However, your dad is on me to get you in your crib...it’s been ages of me telling him I would...Once you reached 4 months, then after Christmas, then after Valentine’s Day, now it’s my birthday...So tomorrow, I’m gonna give it a go- Dreading it, not wanting to do it, literally taking in every night I can with you & cherishing waking up beside you...But my dear boy...It’s a time...Wonder how this will go?
Love you,
Mum

~To read other letters please read on~


April 24th, 2012

My Prince,
Ok so that didn’t happen...I’m not ready...Last night I just stared at you trying to memorize what you look like when you fall asleep...what it feels like to cuddle you close & I just couldn’t let go yet...Your dad will just have to wait a little longer with this arrangement...I’m taking full advantage of it, no doubt...
You’re the cutest when you snore...I love you to the moon...

Mum

~To read other letters please read on~



May 13th, 2012
My love...
Today is my first Mother’s Day & I truly didn’t realize how very special it would make me feel...Your dad & of course you had a lot to do with that...Your lovely dad woke up at God knows what time to prepare everything...My perfect day started with a cuddle & brekki in bed with you, Deac & your dad...Lovely...Then your dad got all stressed out because he had planned a walk & picnic in a provincial park but it was closed...he drove around trying to find a few different places & we ended up at the lake about a 3 minute walk from our house...Kind of funny & cute to see your dad all flustered like that...The picnic was fabulous- your dad made some of my favourite foods...How cute is that?
I love being your mum...Truly I do...Thanks for being my son....
Love Mum

~To read other letters please read on~





May 14th, 2012
Big Brother Noal...Big shocker today!!!
We went to the Docs for an appt for you & found out your going to be a big brother...Considering I enjoyed a few gins yesterday on Mother’s Day & jumped on a trampoline we can truly say this has come to a surprise to your dad & I...
I am still really in shock...We wanted you to have a sibling and we wanted you to be close in age so although this is a bit early we are overjoyed & happy to grow our little family...You seem like such a baby to me, you are such a baby still...I can’t imagine you being a big brother just yet...I guess we better get on that crib thing then, hey my love?
I love you son...
Love Mum


~To read other letters please read on~


Random Weeks in May & June...

Rascal,
I don’t even know what the date is...Days, nights, weeks have all kind of blurred into one...Getting you to sleep in your crib has been quite the challenge...Again to note and I say this to your dad constantly- as much as a challenge and as tired as I am these past few weeks- I would do it all over again to have those months co-sleeping with you...He can beat it!
So my little stubborn boy...You are like your momma & put up quite the fight...Going cold turkey in the crib was not gonna happen- So we started off with naps, you did okay with that but at night was when the battle started...I tried everything...Friend’s advice, different methods from books & doctors...In the end we did what worked for us...And that happened to be setting up a bed beside your crib with couch cushions & sleeping in your room to get use to it for a few nights...My back thanks you for that! Then I put you in the crib & I slept on the couch cushions for a week or so...At the beginning you were having done of that & kept crying out “Momma” and reaching for my hand- Killed me...Hearing you cry just did me in- I couldn’t take it, it just broke my heart- I’m such a suck & sap when it comes to you...So, a few times I got right up in the crib with you to comfort you...Lucky your momma is only 5’3...

Once you realized the crib was all good you slowly got use to it...but boy oh boy I was one tired momma for a bit...Getting staggered hours, trying to sleep on a couch cushion & tired from being prego with your little brother or sister all made the past few weeks beyond exhausting...But we did it...Your successfully sleeping in your crib...We leave for Calgary in a few days & I’m petrified I’ll have to start back at the beginning when we get home...Can you not be stubborn just this once??
Love you little monkey...But I miss you too at night...

Mum


~To read other letters please read on~




July 27th, 2011-


My 1 year old Monkey...

You are one today and I love you more than anything...I wish I could pause life and just stay in the perfect moment for ever... So, I will keep taking as many photos & videos as I can-trying to capture it all...Your dad makes fun of me for the amount of photos/videos I take of you..It is a bit much I admit but I can’t help myself...And one day my darling son, when you are bigger you will look back on all these photos/videos and smile and know how very loved you are...In all honesty I’m utterly obsessed with you...I can’t get enough of your chubby little smile, your infectious laugh or how you say “Mumma”...You are perfect in every way to me...


In one little year you have changed me in more ways than I ever thought possible...Not just in the learning to be a Mumma-kinda-way...I feel like you in a way have made me find myself- For so many years I just did my own thing- Moved to Switzerland- didn’t find who I was looking for in myself there- Then I looked in Australia, Paris, Dublin- I just kept exploring as much I could, not only to discover all I could of the world but also to discover who I was...I feel like in life I have always been pretty true to myself, but in ways I could never find in all my travels you have in one year put it all into the light...I feel like you are my purpose & somehow having you made me become who I was supposed to be all along..You have made my world so much sweeter, made my life so much more meaningful & I can’t believe the huge amount of love, pride & happiness I have for you in one short year...Watch out world- I’m going to be that over the top Mumma just right obsessed with her baby boy...

The biggest thing you have taught so far is to live with a thankful heart & happy soul...Everyday spent with you has been amazing {I’m desperately dreaded September when you have to go to daycare & I’m so thankful I’m prego again so that I’ll only be away from you for a few short months}...You my dear darling boy have truly shown me what’s important in life- You are the truest reminder everyday of what really matters...


You have brought so much happiness, love, and hope to our little family...Your dad & I absolutely adore you & we are certain that you are going to do something very special and wonderful in this world...Your happy soul alone brings everyone who meets you a smile...You’re funny, so sweet, soo cuddly and so adventurous...


So, although this year has gone by faster than I ever imagine- I’m trying to live in the present and not think too far ahead...I’m trying to enjoy the now with you...Son, I love the now more than any other time in my life.


Happy 1st Birthday My love...

Love Mum







        

9 comments:

  1. Anonymous11.2.12

    Tear!!! I feel guilty that I don't have love letters for my girls. Just a side note...you are going to have to do this for every child to come or you are going to look like a big asshole. JQ

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  2. True that! Good thing you love to write! Makes me think I should...but then my second is coming, so that means even more writing, so perhaps not...anyhow, good on ya!

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  3. Anonymous22.2.12

    T this is such an amazing idea!!!
    I feel like I haven't really been keeping track of things during my pregnancy and you definitely make me realize what a short precious time in your life this is, especially since you only experience it for the first time once!! Jason is already planning to keep a video diary of all the memorable moments in our child's life, but I think I might just start keeping a diary of my thoughts, feeling and experiences to share with them one day too:)
    Thanks for this T. Great job!!
    Emma J

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  4. Anonymous23.2.12

    Ahhh....This is soooo fantastic! What a great idea! This will truly be inspiring for many mothers reading your blogs. It made me go back to my two pregnancies and birthes, remembering all the good memories...reminding me how precious are these little people....our children.
    Looking forward to reading more! I have added you in my "favorites"! :)
    Thanks!
    Chantal

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  5. Beautiful Tara! I have a pregnancy journal but this is inspiring me to write down those daily life things that surely will slip away after Arlo is grown. Your blog is also really fun to read!
    Xo Ava

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  6. Anonymous2.3.12

    So wonderful! Good luck to you on this adventure! Children are a true blessing to us and you have captured Noal's sweet life to date so beautifully. Can't wait to see what's next for all of you! Keep up the good work - he will love reading this when he is older! Your boys are truly your "Bliss" in life.
    ~Cynthia

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  7. Anonymous27.3.12

    T - So very beautiful. Please keep writing. It is a joy to read your stories. (Shelly)

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  8. Anonymous9.5.12

    These stories are beautiful. Keep up the good work. Tracy

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  9. Kimberly peto3.7.12

    .K..so..I had some free time yesterday and I began to read your letters to Noal on your blog. I was so touched. I had tears rolling down my cheeks the whole time. I had Steven read some and he got choked up. What an epic thought to do this for your little man. So simple yet so touching and a memory that will last forever. I like your heart. Miss you Tara!

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