It's OK - Lose Yourself Mommas


use to be that person...That girl...

You know the one who always said I'd never lose myself....The one who got irritated trying to have a conversation with a friend with what sounded like a daycare in the background...The one who rolled their eyes that another friend was too tired to come out for a girls night...The one who promised herself that my children wouldn't consume me.... 



Well, hello delusional, judgemental, not-a-clue-in-the-world gal before babes, welcome to mommyhood...How's it feel now?



I'm so far gone in the direction I thought I wouldn't be, that I might just be the biggest hypocrite to walk the planet...Well maybe not the biggest, but truly, I am obsessed with my little hooligans and absolutely lost myself somewhere between the constant snuggles and peeing while getting cheered on by a toddler.


But you know what?  It's OK...


It's OK to be consumed for awhile.... Awhile will be gone before you know it. Everyday a small part of me aches when a new word is said, a shoe doesn't fit or a snuggle is shortened. 


It's OK to be so utterly tired you don't know what day it is, you can only tell the time by what is on Treehouse and you haven't showered in days...


It's OK to not want to go out past your kids bedtime because the thought of getting out of your yoga pants, being up past 11 pm and finding a sitter is exhausting.


It's OK to only have real phone conversations with friends when driving around and around in your minivan to keep your leeches , children physically off of you, so you can actually talk.


It's OK to have beans & toast for dinner because the thought of lugging more than one child to the grocery store is an event in itself let alone the task of making dinner.


It's OK that you take 76 pictures a day of your kids because to you they are your world and the pride you feel for them is like none other.


It's OK to find unbelievable happiness in watching and nurturing something you made.


It's OK mommas to lose yourself... Yourself is not, nor can it ever be what it once was...Embrace it. Grow with it. Love it.



Soon enough you'll have that time to reconnect with your old self again, but don't be scared if she's different... 



She's bound to be - Stronger...Wiser...Kinder...Funnier...


She now knows a love unlike any other - A love so fierce it's impelled to consume what she once was...


So as I reflect on Mother's Day as much as I loved my old self, and as my hooligans grow up, I'm sure pieces of her will come back - I have to say I've never loved me more and and that's because of what becoming a momma did to me. 

Happy Momma's Day Friends - Hope you feel loved beyond.

How do you celebrate a Heart-Aversary? With a 200 Foot Billboard of course....


I'm sitting down after a long, exciting, out-of-this-world-is-this-really-happening kinda day and the tears just won't stop flowing...


Today something extrodinarily, outrageously, AWESOME happened...



Today 45,000 people voted for celebrating differences...



Today more people than I can even possibly count, shared our important message "What Makes You Different Is What Makes You Beautiful"...



Today people showed me once again that anything can happen...


Anything!!!


Exactly one year ago today on May 2nd, my darling daughter had heart surgery.


A year ago today was the scariest day of my life.
"Tara can't be mentally present for those days....I think it is a form of self preservation....she would literally go crazy. So she is in the room ...but not there....I am the sponge, the student, and the person asking the hard questions. The second hardest thing I have ever had to do, is pick my wife up after the surgeons walked away from us with Pip when she finally collapsed weeping. As I look back at it today I can't believe that I was so stable during that time. I held and reassured her that everything was going to be fine...in three hours we would have our baby back fixed and ready to roll. Inside I didn't know any of that to be truth but that is what Tara needed from me.....that is who I had to be. For the next three hours I walked making sure I wasn't too far away from Tara in case she needed me, but there was no way I could be still." - From my husband's one & only blog post -     Read full letter HERE

In a way though after Pip's heart surgery things began to soar...She became a different baby, it was almost as if she was finally "alive"...

And with a fixed heart and a contagious smile she not only soared, she crashed into mountains breaking them in her way, she took a hold of stimgas and shoved them where the sun don't shine and she smashed perceptions and defined a new beauty right before my eyes.



It was almost fitting to find out today, while reflecting on her Heart-Aversary that her gorgeous mug will be on a 200 foot billboard in downtown Toronto {Bay & Bloor} shining brightly for half a million people to see...


I'm a big weeping hot mess over here right now - Don't know if it's because of reflecting on Pip's Heart-Aversary, feeling oh so touched by all the people, organizations and even other contestants in the billboard contest for loving up Pip so very much, or just being so damn proud, of all my little girl has accomplished in her little life. 


Her life holds such purpose, some search their whole lives to find that and yet Pip lives it daily...


In awe baby girl...In awe...





Happy Heart-Aversay my sweet Pippy Layne.









P.S-  To see my reaction & live radio interview click HERE 
P.P.S- To read about how a Hindu Priest saved Pip's heart click HERE

3 Stages of An Almost 3 Year Old Told By A Jam Moustache


1. "Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Bloody Why? Oh wait WHY?"
Noal has entered the "Why-Stage" of an almost 3 year old with a vengeance...Any & everything gets asked why these days.

"Noal you have jam on your face" - "Why Momma?" - "From eating your toast" - "Why Momma?" - "Well sometimes a jam or peanut butter moustache just means there was too much goodness for the toast to handle, so it had to share with your face" - "Ahhhh, you get a moo-sta-coo too Momma?" - "No thanks Noal" - "Why Momma?"


2.  "No you do"
Don't know if this is some kind of shadow stage but whatever I ask Noal results back with a "No you do"...Noal do you want to go potty? No you do Momma....Noal do you want to play cars? No you do Momma..

"No you have a cute jam moustache" - "NO YOU DO MOMMA"

3. "I'm scared"
Out of no where my fearless toddler has all of a sudden become "scared" when he wants to be. Pip will touch him and he'll look over at me and say, "She scare me Momma, Pip try to scare me"....Or I'll tell him to try a bite of a strawberry and he'll say, "Can't strawberry too scary"...

"Noal look at me you have the cutest jam moustache, I'm gonna send Daddy a pic" - "No Momma I'm scared, Daddy no want pic, he scared of jam moo-sta-coo"


And there you have it Noal's 3 new kinda cute and kinda annoying all at once stages brought to you by an adorable jam moustache...