Feels like the Whole World was thankfully thinking of Reid....


The past few days have been life changing...The fear Ive felt chokes me now as I write this to you...But the strength & determination Ive seen from my baby girl is inspiring & the hope she's brought in my life & what seems like so many others is overwhelming...

As mentioned in the post I did a few hours before Reids eye surgery- I was obviously nervous, worried & scared...I truly spent the night just looking at her & hoping all would be okay...In 5 weeks she has planted her little life so deep into our little family that the thought that she possibly wouldnt be there killed me...So, a sleepless night for me begging God/Fate to keep her safe...

We had to be at the hospital at 6:30 am which was good in a way because she was the first surgery of the day & it meant no more waiting...Just getting on with it...Holding Reid while doctors & nurses got things ready for her surgery was so hard...I kept kissing her over & over & telling her I needed her & that shes got this...She seemed so very small laying on the bed & when they froze her little hand to put the IV in, I couldnt help it, the tears started falling hard...And they didnt stop for awhile- thank Sweet Jesus, Craig was there to hold me...Seeing Reid in the little tiny hospital gown was too much for me- I literally wanted to scoop her up & run away...
The surgery itself was a few hours long & while Craig & I waited everything in the world seemed to annoy me...The other people in the room, just chatting away as if nothing was going on...In my head I was thinking, shut it people, my baby girl is having a major surgery and youre chatting about sales at Costco & your daughters bunions...In reality they had every right to talk about whatever they pleased but at that moment it bothered me more than anything...Those few hours seemed to tick by & finally the surgeons came out to talk to us- I remember seeing them walk down the hall & when one of the doctor's eyes saw mine he had a slight smile & I felt my whole body almost give way in relief...The surgery was a huge success, couldnt have gone any better according to them but she was having trouble coming out of the anesthetic...I didnt really hear anything else about the surgery after that my mind was just wrapped around the word trouble...We painfully had to wait around another hour before the surgeons came back to take us to the recovery room to see her- As the surgeons were talking to us a nurse in the recovery room called out Reid & I just bolted- Leaving Craig with the surgeons, I followed the nurse in to see my precious baby girl...
At first I didnt even see the huge patch covering her eye, the wires & all the machines she was all hooked up to- I just saw Reid & needed more than anything to hold her in my arms...That feeling when I first held her was such gratefulness...I just was so thankful she made it through the surgery & was there alive with me...I would have held her in my arms for hours & little did I know that I would be...For 26 hours to be exactly...The scariest 26 hours of my life...

Reid had a really hard time coming out of the anesthetic & in turn it caused breathing complications...Basically, she stopped breathing & nurses would rush in, oxygen was shoved in her little face & they had to stimulate her to start breathing again...At one point her entire body turned bright red & she couldnt grasp a breath & then things, time & everything froze...

We were transferred by ambulance to another hospital to the Intensive Care Unit on a Pediatric floor- the very same floor I had wrote about the night before Reids surgery...

The ride itself only took minutes & as nice as the paramedic was riding in the back with me, chatting away- I couldnt for the life of me, tell you one thing he said...All I remember is thinking how very tiny she looked & that's my little "Diva" getting us transferred in style in an ambulance...

 


We were in a glass room so that the docs/nurses could monitor her very carefully...Everytime her heart or oxygen dropped they'd come racing in...Unless she was getting examined she remained in my arms the entire time...One older nurse who referred to herself as a wise old owl- told me to just keep loving her- its amazing what shes seen love do...So, thats what I tried to do...I just held her & rocked & told her how strong she was & how much we all loved her...

It felt like the whole world was thinking of her & that love was somehow giving her strength.... Craig maybe has changed his Facebook status 3 times since his Facebook existence- He never thinks to share what I do & Im sure my openness is almost annoying to him {and others}...But for me I seriously felt better in these moments the more I shared...It was like the more I knew people were thinking about her the stronger & braver I felt...Weird for some I am sure but for me it was what helped get me through a really dark night...

So, thank you world for thinking of my Reid....She finally stabilized early the next morning & it felt like I could breath again...




I tried to keep Craig updated as much as I could & as much as I went through a nightmare being there with Reid, he had a completely different experience...Once Reid was rushed to Intensive Care only one of us could go & one of us had to go home to Noal...So, my poor Craig had to be home worrying like I know he does & feeling totally helpless..I cant imagine what he went through not seeing her or holding her like I got to...Craig, again your strength through this amazed me...
Holding Reid after she stabilized & knowing shed be okay was life changing- Looking down at that little tiny baby & already learning so much from her about strength, determination & hope was humbling...She really is going to change the world & shes starting with mine...And a few others...The inspiration & hope she has given seems overwhelming at times- Someone wrote the whole world has already fallen in love with her & it truly feels like that...In the hospital alone she charmed the nurses who bought her a rattle that said sassy because they believe with her strong spirit she will be...And the gift shop ladies at the hospital were so taken with her that they gave her a beautiful angel quilt...



I love seeing how in 5 short weeks shes captured hearts, moved peoples lives & has found such a place in this world already...Im so grateful, excited & blessed to get to be her mum & to see what else she does...




Note to Reid though- In case, baby girl you have more surgeries in life, let's get out of that anesthetic a bit better next time...K? I don't ever want to feel like I did, the thought of losing you isn't an option anymore...You've proven you're a strong, sassy, little fighter & I couldn't be more happy about that...Let's take on the world Reidster...






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Weird what finally hits you...

In a few hours I will be completely trusting Fate, God & doctors hands...It hit me hard for some reason when I was rocking Noal before putting him to sleep...I absolutely love putting my little mouse to bed- He seems like such a baby when I’m rocking & singing softly to him...Tonight, I held him really tight & an extra long time & I thought back to that first night Reid was born...They had to move us to the Pediatric floor at the hospital because the OB floor was full- I remember hearing a little boy crying for his mum sounding just like Noal...He just kept calling out, over & over for his mummy...I was shattered for both the mum having to hear her little guy in such pain & for him having to face whatever was making him scared or hurt at such a young age...As I held Noal & thought back to that night, I realized that now a month later I am in that mum’s shoes...Scared, helpless, wishing I could take the pain of it all away- I am grateful Reid can’t call out for me or really understand what is happening at this point & that she is so young that the recovery & treatment after the surgery will just become a part of her life & routine.

It’s funny, today Noal was at daycare so I literally held Reid all day- Looking at her, trying to burn her beautiful eyes in my memory before they change, & feeling oh so worried...


But it wasn’t until I was holding Noal & remembering that other little boy’s cries that I had to cry myself...Weird what hits you...Not sure how much I will sleep tonight, will probably spend the night staring at Reid...








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At the end of the day all that matters is a Happy Soul...

Its funny what I use to think mattered in life...I guess with all things, you look back at what once was, with so much more wisdom, clarity & insight...I guess having a child brings such a perspective to ones life...But, having a child with special needs brings almost an urgency or demand to have to live in the moment...To take each day one at a time & be grateful for the progress made that day & to look forward to the next & what it will bring...

The past few weeks with Reid have been eye opening to say the least...Learning about Down Syndrome, having to deal with doctors/specialist & what seems like appointment after appointment has been a lot to take in...However, seeing how very sick some of the children in the hospitals are has made me grateful for what we are dealing with however hard I find it...
Today was Reids pre-op appt for her upcoming eye surgery on Friday...{No miracle yet- but still hoping!!!} The doctors had to go over the risks involved & I wont get into all that detail, but know that this mumma bear will be a bundle of nerves till I have her back safely in my arms...I had to hold her down this morning while a doctor did a test & I almost started bawling thinking about her getting wheeled away from me & getting put out...Its hard to let go- I have absolutely no control over this...As much as I wish I could, this is not something I can fix with a mummy kiss or snuggle...When I pictured my life, I truly never thought I would have to be worried about my one month old daughter facing a major surgery, but this is my reality...And as much as I wish Reid was born as healthy as can be, I have to accept the fact that she wasnt...That docs/specialist & therapist & tests & appointments will be a part of our lives, but that all those involved will do their very best to have her as healthy as she can be...

I really did take for granted how healthy my son was...As a new mum, a diaper rash was a big deal- I can remember calling my friends Jenn & Sarah all in a panic as if it were the end of the world because Noal had a rash or snotty nose...Oh how I wish that with Reid...that my only worries were a bum rash or a cold...Im so utterly worried for her & for Craig having to put up with me in the waiting room during the surgery...Good luck love!!! He thinks I have ADD normally- just you wait till it comes out with worry, anxiety & fear on top...

 
So, as I learn to let go of what I cant control- I realized that all that really matters is how I live my life & teach my babies to live theirs...I cant control that Noal is a busy boy, has my short little legs & has my sassy personality...I cant control that Reid was born with Down Syndrome, had a hole in her heart or needs eye surgery...I can only control how I handle what has been given to me- How I hope to raise Noal & Reid to be loving, kind, open minded, grateful & Happy Little Souls...At the end of the day this is what I truly believe to be important...For me to live my life with a Happy Soul & for others to see that & to pass it on to my heart ~ Noal & Reid...
 
That in turn has brought a change in me & a change in the blog...What once was Pin Me t...has now become Happy Soul Project- As much as I loved the other blog- the whole direction of my life has changed & I felt since the blog is a reflection of my life it should change as well...

So, dear friends I hope you continue to walk on this journey with me...Please continue to think of my sweet Reid- her surgery is 7:30 am on Friday- so again send all that you can out!!!

And thank you...You will never really know how much your messages & thoughts regarding the blog, my family & especially Reid mean to me...How much they have lifted me up, made me want to continue writing & sharing my story & helped provide a miracle...Im so very lucky for all those in my life who love me...Thank you







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Greedy asking for another miracle? Well, so be it...

So, last week Reid had a little miracle & now I’m wondering if I ask for another am I being greedy...Her heart healing has been such a relief...This mumma bear can now sleep without worrying every second, that every little noise, is my baby girl going into heart failure...I am sooo thankful & hopeful & don’t want to bother people but it’s only for a few more weeks, so I’m going to...

Reid's eye surgery is scheduled for Jan 25th...So, until then get out those wishbones, get on your knees, send out your thoughts & polish up any lucky horseshoes...It can't hurt right? To wish or hope that her eyes can be healed too...If anything all that positive energy can help in the surgery & recovery afterwards....

If her eyes don’t heal we are in for a long road of eye surgeries, contacts, glasses & patches...The eye specialist actually looked at me and said, "You better get use to seeing me, we have a long road ahead of us, it's going to be like we're married how much we'll see each other"...Bloody hell, having one husband is enough thanks...So, for my sanity alone I'm praying her eyes have their own miracle...
 
My poor baby girl after the surgery, at 5 weeks old, will have to have patches over her eyes...Her beautiful, unique eyes...Did you know babies born with Down Syndrome can have “pinwheels”, little white flecks in their irises called Brushfield spots? So, Reid’s gorgeous baby blues look like she has specks of stars in them...
 
 
They are beautiful & I truly am going to miss seeing them when/if they are covered in patches...The doc wants her to wear these patches now before the surgery so that she doesn’t learn to see out of one eye...

Impossible to keep on so I’ve been pulling her little hat down over her eyes & it seems to do the trick & the doc okayed it...Plus, she seems to sleep an extraordinary amount so her little peepers are always closed...


I've been trying to look at her eyes & take as many pictures as I can now to remember what they looked like before the surgery...I'm also trying not to freak out about the fact that they will be putting out my tiny, infant daughter & the risks associated with that...

In the past week I've been contacted by other families who have children with Down Syndrome- their emails & messages have been inspiring & encouraged me to the point where I know Craig & I can do this...We can be the mum & dad, Reid needs, deserves & has to have...I've also realized in researching & talking with the specialist that complications with her heart & eyes could have been so much worst & I'm thankful for what we are now dealing with...However, I want every mumma out there- Dad too if you're reading this to hug your little girl or boy & be thankful for what you've been given...A healthy baby at this point is like gold & I never realized that when I had Noal...Yes, I was thankful for a healthy baby boy, but I never took the time to really understand, nor could I truly until now, know what it is like to not have a healthy newborn...We've seen unbelievable things in the last few weeks at all the different hospitals & doctors offices...My heart broke seeing just how unhealthy some of these little children can be...Yet, I also found strength in seeing the determination & love their parents seemed to carry for them...Be thankful friends...


 

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We got ourselves a miracle...Prayers, Wishbones & Positive Thoughts

I posted Reid’s story a few days ago & the response has been overwhelming...Thank you everyone who has prayed for Reid, sent a positive thought our way or even wished on a turkey bone...All of our thoughts for her seemed to be working...We got ourselves a miracle...

I brought Reid in to see the Heart Specialist regarding the hole in her heart this morning...Keep in mind the first time we saw him he was adamant that Reid would need surgery, that the hole in her heart was too big to heal or close & was advising me on what to look for if Reid went into heart failure...Devastating right?

But then the pure love of people came pouring in...Messages from all over the place- all over the world really...Reid added to prayer groups in Ireland, Canada, Australia & the States...The love & support I’ve felt in the last week has been inspiring & has lifted me up so that walking into the appointment today I had the mentality that I’d be shocked if he told me anything but her heart is healing...
And that’s exactly what happened...Her little heart is healing with all the love from all of your hearts...The hole in her heart is closing...The doc said it has closed dramatically & he’s amazed...There is no longer any fear of heart failure & if it doesn’t close completely we can now wait to do a much more minor surgery when she’s older...Thank you Sweet Jesus!!!!!!!

And thank you dear friends...Please continue to keep our precious Reid in your hearts & hope the hole closes completely...I can't tell you how happy, hopeful & inspired I am today...




 

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